You Know What Would Be Funny? Electing Christine O'Donnell

The more I think about about it, the more I'd like to see Christine O'Donnell take Joe Biden's old Senate seat. I just think that it would be nice if that seat was forever known as the home of the Senator from Gaffe. Delaware's interim Senator, Ted Kauffman, turned out to be a reasonable, if chronically wrong, fellow, which is why no one knows who he is.

Although her chances of becoming Delaware's junior senator are slightly worse than mine are at this point, I want her to win because her floor speeches would be just about the funniest things ever. How great would it be if the Senate was debating, say, a military appropriations bill and she popped out with an amendment declaring that "you can't masturbate without lust." And you know that she'd do it, too.

Besides, there are exactly no incumbent United States senators that I want to have filthy, degrading sex with and there really should be.

Of course, Ms. O'Donnell is emblematic of the entire Tea Party movement. They've repeatedly taken out electable incumbents and are running people who have no idea how a bill becomes a law, which somehow supposed to make them "you." It's among the greatest things I've ever seen in a non-sexual performance and I never thought I'd see the United States do it. On the other hand, if America is determined to self-destruct, they may as well do it with representatives who amuse me.

I've been following politics for a very long time and I've never seen a candidate begin a general election campaign by denying that she's a witch. Unless you're from Uganda, chances are that you haven't, either. But that was way back on Tuesday and Christine wants you to know that while she's moved on from sorcery, she's still you, albeit in highly improbable and entertaining ways.



Truth be told, O'Donnell didn't go to Yale. However, that's a tactically bad thing for her to bring up in an ad, given the misleading statements about her education that she's already made. I'm actually surprised that she didn't claim to have a Yale degree in this ad. On the other hand, Bill Clinton went to Yale and Oxford and O'Donnell might want to avoid that association.

If nothing else, Christine does "know how hard it is to make and keep a dollar." Setting up your campaign headquarters in your home so you can pay your household expenses with tax deductible contributions is so close to being illegal that it can't be easy. Just look at the fun John Edwards has been having answering questions about where his campaign money went lately.

It's pretty clear that O'Donnell doesn't like addressing all of this stuff. Neither would you, and it's important to remember that she is you, albeit a you that's highly acquainted with the appearance of impropriety. If you're Tommy Flanagan, Christine O'Donnell is even more you.

Sadly, she has to address them because the Goddamned Liberal Media just won't stop assassinating her character.

Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell is asking voters to give her a second look. At a candidate forum sponsored by a group of local Republicans, O'Donnell blamed her campaign's recent troubles on unfair coverage in the "liberal media."

"I've put my name on the line. And I've taken a lot of hits ... a lot of character assassination," O'Donnell said.

In the video, as opposed to the text article at CNN's site, O'Donnell refers to have been subject to "slander." That implies that the Goddamned Liberal Media is just making this shit up, which is highly unlikely, but has been an effective Republican canard since the Nixon presidency.

Most of the batshit fucking crazy remarks that Ms. O'Donnell made that make me love her were on videotape and were completely voluntary. I seriously doubt that Bill Maher and MTV waterboarded her until she said utterly kooky things about witchcraft and rubbing one out, although I can't completely rule it out.

But that's just the funny stuff from over a decade ago. Everything else, which is far more recent, is deeply troubling and she remains almost pathological in lying about it.

In a radio interview last June, she lied about not having a federal tax lien on her house despite the fact that anyone with a modest ability at using search engines could find it. When the bank threatened to foreclose on her house, serving her personally with papers, she chalked it up to a “technical error by the bank” despite the fact that once again, anyone who bothered to do a little searching could find the mortgage company’s filing.

It turns out that O’Donnell is a deadbeat. She stopped paying her mortgage in October of 2007 while the bank filed the papers in March of 2008 to seize the house. She refused to contest the case and a summary judgment of foreclosure was entered against the property in May. According to a Lexis-Nexis search, the foreclosure was “stayed” – the house had been foreclosed but the sheriff sale had not commenced – when she sold the house to her boyfriend and legal counsel who then paid the outstanding balance as well as more than $2,000 in interest and legal fees.

When questioned about all of this, she has continuously and shamelessly lied. She has attributed the tax lien to “thug politics” and actually denied the property had a lien in the first place. She denied she sold her home while it was in foreclosure despite clear evidence to the contrary.

For months, O’Donnell denied her house had ever been in foreclosure. She simply stopped making payments in October 2007 and never made any move to contest the proceedings and would not “appear, plead or otherwise defend” herself against the mortgage company filing.

The lies don’t stop there. Incredibly, she owes her employees from the 2008 campaign thousands of dollars in unpaid salary and expenses.

Before her home was foreclosed, there was an IRS lien on it from unpaid taxes in 2005, which she has also lied about. Then we get to her recent financial disclosure, which showed her earning just $5,800.00 over fifteen months, or $13 a day, despite owing 20 grand from her 2008 pummelling at the hands of Joe Biden.

And that's why I'm in love with Christine O'Donnell. Despite being a hot girl, she has balls the size of Alpha Centauri to be running as a fiscal conservative with a personal history like hers. If a Democrat was living off of campaign money, they'd be excoriated by the GOP if not actually sent to prison. To their eternal regret, the Democrats don't have the Goddamned Liberal Media to blame for their adventures in personal irresponsibility.

I'll be fair for a minute here. the Delaware Republican Party and the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee did everything in their power to stop O'Donnell and nominate Mike Castle, who had already won no fewer than nine statewide campaigns in a row. But they got rolled by Sarah Palin and the Tea Party Express, which clearly demonstrates just how pathetic the Republicans are these days.

I've changed my mind in the last few weeks. A wave of anger at the economy is going to elect a whole lot of these mutants and then they're going to have to govern while conducting a purge of whatever rational elements still exist in the GOP, and that's going to be fun to watch.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if they ruin serious conservatives like Mitch Daniels and Paul Ryan in the process. Newt Gingrich is physically aching to whore himself out to the Tea Party and has begun advocating a government shutdown, despite his own negative experiences with same, and that's the surest way to reelect Obama. No clearer path to reelection exists for this White House than having a pack of ignorant fanatics stopping the Social Security checks from going out. Not one. Just how a shutdown would work in the middle of a ground war might be fun to learn, too.

I'm not a fan of the president's and I would never vote for him. But if he's the price that has to be paid for wiping out the Tea Party and the GOP and replacing it with something serious, it might just be worth it. The Republican Party replaced the Whigs pretty quickly and I think that can happen again.

Nobody - not Obama, not the GOP and certainly not the Tea Party - is serious about doing what it's going to take to save the U.S from crippling, intractable debt. The selfish and stupid voters are largely to blame for that, but no one's going out of their way to educate them on what needs to be done, either. Some drastic measures are going to be necessary in the very near future (think David Cameron in the UK) and the political groundwork has to be laid for that.

If America's going to go the way of the Soviet Union, it may as well have cute girls who can't masturbate or balance a checkbook at the helm as it happens. If nothing else, it will make for great TV.


Yellow Peril Update: I keep forgetting to mention O'Donnell's remarkably bizarre claim to have had "classified information" about a Chinese plot to overthrow the United States during her unsuccessful 2006 primary campaign against ... a Chinese guy.

God, I love that crazy bitch with all of my heart!