Smokin'!

I know that with it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and all, I probably shouldn't be advocating smoking to women. But I'm going to, mostly because it's the right thing to do. You see, non-smokers are terrible fucking people and I think I can prove it. While I'm sure that you'll point out that not all non-smokers are war criminals, I'd respond by correctly pointing out that all war criminals are non-smokers. Hitler wasn't just a non-smoker, he was a pretty strident one.

There are few ways to be a better person if you're already a redhead with big fat tits, but smoking is the surest of them. As a matter of fact, it makes everybody a better person. It calms you, centers you, and gives you time to reflect as you're freezing your ass off outside because all of the monsters inside are non-smokers. Better still, nicotine is an appetite suppressant and it will keep you thin and gorgeous, like it does for me.

I'm not going to lie to you. Smoking will probably kill you. But that'll happen when you're old and already look like shit. Nobody likes to admit this, but old people are the most unloved people on the planet, so smokers are just doing everyone a favor by dropping dead earlier than most.

Sure, there are probably a lot of folks out there that are shocked that Christina Hendricks smokes. Those people are almost certainly all idiots. Just look at her rack! Isn't that the chest of a good person? Doesn't she look like someone with almost too much heart? I'd be stunned if she wasn't a smoker. I'm not asking you to believe me, girls. Believe Christina Hendricks.

I should point out that if you smoke and are on the birth control pill, your risk of contracting breast cancer increases significantly. I should also point out that most children are non-smokers, and you don't need any more of them in your life. But that's not anything that can't be overcome by lots and lots of anal sex. If you're curious but intimidated by that idea, you should really get in touch with me. I can be very gentle when I have to be.

And I guess that's my public service announcement for the day. Be more like Christina Hendricks!


Photo and story ruthlessly stolen from The Superficial.