Things Fall Apart: Rob Ford's Continuing Crack-Up

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The Big Crack Up

Hey, can we all stop pretending that Toronto mayor Rob Ford isn't the most spectacular fuck-up in human history? Because that'd be great.

I'm addressing that question to braying mob of liberal shitheads out there, who seemingly aren't smart enough to just stand back and let their enemies die on their own. There's just no talking to those assholes.

No, I'm asking this of my fellow conservatives, who almost to a man are determined to be repeatedly humiliated with Ford and his unending follies, both personal and professional.

Not only is Ford a repellent and disastrously ignorant human being, he's endlessly damaging to conservatism. At this point, it's hard not to see how how Etobicoke Slim's only lasting legacy will be inflicting Olivia Chow on the City of Toronto as mayor next year because of his chronic inability to keep his mouth shut and his shit together. And you know what? Conservatives will have no one to blame but themselves.

Look, I don't know for a fact that this morning's allegations of Ford smoking crack in the last six months are true or not. But I'm inclined to believe that they are.

After all, this isn't Hizzoner's first time at the pharmaceutical rodeo.

Ford was actually arrested in Miami 14 years ago for drunk driving and marijuana possession. Any foreigner carrying pot in a jurisdiction as savage as fucking Florida can only be described as hubris-crazed retard. That's ballsy to the point of stupidity. Hadn't that motherfucker ever seen Midnight Express? Florida's a little more merciful than Turkey toward drug offenders, but not much.

Of course, Ford lied about it. 

Then there was the story of Ford promising to get OxyContin for some HIV positive lunatic.

In case you were worried, there are multiple stories about Ford's booze-fuelled craziness, too.

Given the record, it's hard not to believe the crack story. There's just too much history out there now to write it off a fantasy driven by the Goddamned Liberal Media. And as much as my friends on the Right like to pretend otherwise, the Toronto Star isn't in the business of committing professional suicide or setting themselves up to get get sued out of existence.

Yes, the story started with Gawker. And yes, Gawker has a ... dodgy history. But, at this point, Ford can't just rail against the media if these stories are false, he needs to sue. And he needs to sue Gawker in an American court, under the Sullivan v. New York Times Co. standard. As I and my conservative friends have said over and over again, Canadian libel laws are entirely too friendly to the plaintiff.

I can almost guarantee you that by 9 am, Team Ford and their sycophantic bloggers are going to be playing this as another instance of "The media is out to get us." Know up front that that's horseshit.

The fact is that Hizzoner keeps putting himself in the middle of the scandals. When he's not having his picture taken with obvious gangbangers, he's posing with Latvian Nazis.  He keeps doing this to himself. There has yet to be a Rob Ford scandal that hasn't started with Rob Ford's conduct. Not one. Its well past time that conservatives start admitting that.

The "Ford Nation" comprises about the thirty percent of the city that has suffered a grievous head injury. They'll support him if he campaigns in a loincloth made entirely of dead babies. It's become clear that they'll excuse anything from him.

That's enough for Ford to win, assuming that the Left insists on being the Left and runs a dozen candidates.

But what if they don't? What if they decide that Etobicoke Slim is entirely too much of a menace to stay in office, and clear the field for Olivia Chow?

I can see a scenario where she wins pretty big in a head to head race. She'd sweep the downtown core, and pick up more than enough heavily Chinese suburban wards to put her over the top.

Conservatives are playing a dangerous game in a left-wing city, assuming that liberals are just going to let Ford get re-elected in a cakewalk

I'm not. I'm assuming the worst - the the Left will get behind Chow and beat the shit out of Hizzoner, possibly in an asshole blowout. Conservatives that continue to support Ford are potentially voting for the Widow Layton.

Let's see how well that works out for us.

We need someone like John Tory or Doug Holyday to push Ford out of the race, soonest.

Rob Ford Made a Sexy Time

I'm not sure I've been clear enough enough about this. If given the choice between voting my incumbent mayor, Rob Ford, and Phil Spector, I'd have to go with Spector. Even with the goofy fucking wigs and demonstrated ability to blow a b-movie actresses' goddamed noggin off, Phil still causes less embarrassment to himself and everyone around him than Ford does in the first 20 minutes of a given day. The only advantage Ford has over Spector is a slightly better track record in court.

Look, everyone knows that nothing raises the pheromones quite like an evening with the Canadian Jewish Public Affairs Committee. There can be no denying the almost palpable sexual tension that overwhelms any and all of their functions. I personally blame them for the teen pregnancy crisis of the 1980s.

Thursday was an exciting day for everybody. The weather started not sucking so bad and it was the great and good Dr. Reverend's birthday. It was CJPAC. Former mayoral rival Sarah Thomson was there in her newly dreadlocked and fine-assed glory and, y'know, things happen.

She joined people queuing to meet and have photos taken with Ford, whom she frequently debated as rival candidate during the 2010 civic election, and then chided him for not attending her recent transit forum.

“He told me he was in Florida and I should have been with him because his wife wasn’t there,” Thomson told the Star on Friday. “I didn’t expect that. Rob doesn’t normally act that way towards women, so I was a little bit shocked, and then we posed to get our picture taken and he grabbed my ass during the pose.”

As I said, these things happen. There are times in our lives when passion rules and when it causes us to dare, we dare greatly. It might not always play out the way we'd prefer, but when passion rewards us, it rewards us greatly. That's just the way love works, people.

Far be it from me to criminalize romance, like the Goddamned Liberal Media continually insists on doing, but hasn't Etobicoke Slim caused himself enough trouble?

That's not to say that the oafish shithead is admitting anything. That's fucking crazy talk. Nope, within hours of the story breaking, Boy Rob reached deep into his Nixonian soul and denied everything.

“Last night I had the pleasure of attending a wonderful event to support the Canadian Jewish Political Affairs Committee.

“This is an event that is attended by numerous political leaders and where I have been a guest in the past.

“Early this morning, false allegations were made regarding a number of disgusting actions. I am shocked, dismayed and surprised. I can say without hesitation that they are absolutely, completely false.

“What is more surprising is that a woman who has aspired to be a civic leader would cry wolf on a day where we should be celebrating women across the globe.

“This is a day we should all take the time to reflect upon the women in our lives and in our society. It is a day when we can envision the changes we want to make in our communities to ensure that all people are equal and that violence and discrimination against women comes to an end.”

In my opinion, everyone would've been better off if he just said something like this ...

Lookee, bitches, don't you know who I am? I have a literal shit-ton of money and a cool job. Those are the kind of things that broads go for. Oh sure, they'll say they don't, but they're just as shallow as the fucking voters. Talk sternly and promise them enough cool shit, and both are yours.

By the way, just look at me, will ya? What skirt in her right mind could say no to a doughy, entitled dope that sweats from the sternum? Dykes, that's fucking who! Did I mention that I coach football for would-be thugs and serial rapists? I'm not saying that I'm a great guy, I'm saying that I'm the best guy ever!

Listen to the socialists moan about how I tried to get my pecker wet the night before International Women's Day, fer chrissakes! Well, I was celebrating, too. Just a few hours early. More importantly, I'm of the considered opinion that every day is a day worth celebrating poontang! Especially when my crazy fucking wife isn't around.

Goddamn, I need a drink! And can we get some R. Kelly up in this motherfucker? Mayor Daddy needs to dance!

Anyone who peruses my archives knows that I endorsed Sarah Thomson in 2010 and voted for her, even when she dropped out and endorsed George Smitherman. My loathing for Hizzoner is also nothing short of legendary. Some of my best recent writing has detailed that hatred at length. Not only am I better writer for hating Rob Ford, I'm a better man.

But neither of things colour my opinion all that much. The real question is: "Why would Sarah Thomson lie?"

Thomson is enough of a big shot in this town that she can get media attention pretty much whenever she wants it. And even though I voted for her, I'm not exactly hearing a Moby Dick-like drum chorus for a repeat performance.

Even if she is laying the groundwork for another run, this is the kind of allegation you drop two days before an election, not two years. Who's even going to remember this story in the fall of 2014, especially given Hizzoner's legion of other fuck-ups; past, present and future?

On the other hand, she might be nuts. This is, after all, a woman in mid-40s with dreadlocks and isn't known to have sired children with Bob Marley, or even Peter Tosh. It seems unlikely, but the possibility can't be entirely ruled out.

But what does Ford have going for him? Even the Mayor's staunchest defenders aren't stupid enough to seriously suggest that he's actually innocent of anything anymore. Instead, they just argue that he isn't scuzzy enough to be thrown out of office because of it.

I'm personally inclined to believe Thomson's story, if only because it perfectly fits a narrative that Ford's own conduct over twelve years has assiduously built. It's almost impossible to imagine a level of assholerly that this idiot won't stoop to. If you told me that he wanted to buy that park next to his house because he had run out burial space for freshly murdered whores on his own property, I wouldn't dismiss it as quickly as you might think I would.

That's the problem with Ford. Each and every negative story about him has been true enough to make the next one at least plausible. The only question that arises now is, "Is this worth forcing a new election over?"

And you know what? It's well past time that conservatives stop defending this asshole. While it helps him mightily, it only destroys conservatism in this city.

There's pretty much no saving Ontario Provincial Conservative leader, Tim Hudak, who is going to face his second almost fetishized humiliation this spring. But Stephen Harper faces the very real possibility of having his Toronto seats divided up between the NDP and Liberals in 2015, a possibility that's more likely if a self-destructive Rob Ford is still in office.

The Ford phenomenon isn't unlike what's happening with the Republicans in the United States. Their loonier candidates discourses on the merits of rape babies makes it difficult for well-meaning voters to elect rational conservatives who could give a shit about such nonsense. So the left wins by default.

Because of the way that the left works, I'd say that Ford is still the favourite to win in 2014. But that isn't going to help Tim Hudak, who has maybe a dozen chromosomes too many, and it will almost certainly hurt Harper in area code 416, and possibly 905.

Don't forget, Toronto is still a fundamentally liberal city. We only elect conservatives when the left implodes on itself. But we're still, far and away, the biggest and most important city in the country. We carried Jean Chretien to victory three times in a row. Harper only won his majority when he started carrying seats in the Greater Toronto Area.

Want an even more liberal Harper government? Keep Ford in office and let the Liberals and the NDP run against him, instead of Harper. If you think that Harper won the GTA seats that he did last time for any reason other than the Liberals were in a state of national collapse, you're fucking kidding yourselves.

Even if he's re-elected, Ford will be the last "conservative" mayor of Toronto in a good long time. At some point, you have to count on the left getting their all their shit in one sock. If Olivia Chow loses in 2014, she'll have a virtually lock on 2018. And who will we have?

Ford has to be stopped from running again, and only conservatives can do that. His amen choir in the media and the stupid fucking blogosphere has to understanding that this is about something bigger than Rob Ford. I understand the urge to protect him from removal during his elective term, but anything after that is an act of self-mutilation.

When Ford becomes shorthand for conservative in this city, conservatives are fucked, both municipally and provincially. And we're going to be handicapped more than we have to be federally.

Worse than that, we destroy ourselves on the one thing that's supposed to matter - principle. It's bad enough that Conservatives have rallied around Harper's spending spree and pretended that it's something other than what it is. Defending Ford's continued self-destructive behaviour instead of calling him on it is an open invitation for no self-respecting person to take our calls for personal responsibility seriously ever again.

If nothing is ever Ford's fault, why is anything anyone else's fault?

At that point, what conservatism even mean?


The worst part of the Sarah Tompson allegations is that they buried this story, which should horrify anyone that knows anything about anything. If you want to truly estroy the conceptof good government, turn they keys over to the fucking lobbyists. I can't think of a faster way to do it.

Rob Ford Has Got to be Fucking Kidding

Ever notice how O.J Simpson never remarried? I wish my mayor was as bright as the erstwhile Juice

I spent a good chunk of last fall writing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's latest - and most egregious- fuck up, the conflict of interest beef that very nearly had his tubby ass shoved out of office with a frontloader.

Long story short; As a city councillor, Etobicoke Slim used city letterhead to hit up scumbag lobbyists for donations to his silly fucking football foundation. The city's integrity commissioner agreed and ordered Ford to return the money. City council later voted to so order the same.

After Ford became mayor, Council voted on the stupid fucking mess again. This time, Ford spoke and voted on the matter, prompting a guy named Paul Magder to sue Hizzoner under the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act. Madger won at trial and Ford was ordered removed from office. That decision was reversed on appeal in January.

As I said throughout this stupid nightmare, I didn't think that Hizzoner's speech and vote constituted enough of a conflict to warrant removal, but that I would take it. Nor was I expect Justice Hackland to rule the way that he did. However, when the initial ruling came down, I did expect it to be upheld by the Superior Court.

The worst and most unforgivable sin was the solicitation from lobbyists. Were I writing the laws, that would have resulted in immediate expulsion and lifetime disqualification from holding higher office.

I've said this dozens of times in this space: Lobbyists are the root of all evil in modern democracy. Both conservatives and liberals should feel this way because lobbies fuck up all of their dream policies. Conservatives can't get rational tax reform because of special interest loopholes, and liberals can't get much of anything without those same interests finding a way to pervert it into a means of self-enrichment.

I've spent years listening to assholes moan about the corrosive effect of money in politics, which is unmitigated bullshit. Don't believe me? Ask Karl Rove, who spent north of $200 million in the last U.S election and sending exactly no one to Washington. Or Sheldon Adelson, who did pretty much the same thing with the same result. Even with an awesomely stupid electorate, money didn't accomplish anything close to what it was supposed to.

The truly corrupting thing in politics is politicians or their staffers decamping to lucrative lobbying gigs. And it's shocking how often lobbyists wind up running campaigns, supposed because they're just that civic-minded.

Ford's a guy who made his name railing against the "gravy train." Lobbyists exist only to ensure that that train stops at their stations, and those of their well-heeled clients, as frequently as possible.

The fact that the solicitation of favors from lobbyists by elected officials in this province isn't a crime in this province is nothing less than stunning to me. And remember, l'affaire Ford began with solicitations to lobbyists.

So what's Etobicoke Slim been doing with his time lately?

Mayor Rob Ford is still asking registered lobbyists to donate to his football foundation — a practice that violates the city’s code of conduct and led to the court case that nearly forced him out of office.

Two lobbyists showed the Star fundraising letters Ford sent them within the past two months on behalf of the foundation. Ford hand-signed both letters.

Of course he is. Of fucking course he is.

Oh, it gets better, too.

Andy Manahan, executive director of the Residential and Civil Construction Alliance of Ontario, said he received a letter on Jan. 28 — only three days after Ford won his appeal in the conflict of interest saga that began with his decision to solicit donations from lobbyists in 2009. (Ed: emphasis mine)

(...)

Manahan said he has not met with Ford but has met with a member of his staff.

The second registered lobbyist asked not to be named for fear of alienating the Ford administration. He said, “I think it’s kind of suspicious. The only interactions I’ve had with him were on city business or as a lobbyist registrant.”

He added: “It goes back to: are you allowed to use names and contact information from business dealings to raise funds? Is that permitted? It sure seems strange.”

(...)

Ford also sent a fundraising letter in the past two months to a non-lobbyist who does business with the city and whose fortunes he could directly influence: Brian Ashton, president of the Canadian National Exhibition Association, which stages the annual fair.

Ashton received a letter from Ford on Jan. 10 — three days after Ford’s lawyer argued his appeal in court but before the judges released their decision.

As mayor, Ford is automatically a member of the association board; if Ashton seeks re-election, Ford could vote for or against him. Under its new governance model, the association will pay rent of more than $3 million to the city in 2013.

“It’s awkward because if you’re doing business with the city in any fashion, do you feel a sense of obligation?” said Ashton, a former centrist councillor who retired from politics in 2010. “If you don’t (donate), will that influence his impression or support of your organization?”

Ashton is currently urging council members not to put a casino at Exhibition Place. He said the fundraising letters are “unnerving” because “the Fords are very powerful in Toronto.”

“I just hope that (Rob Ford) separates the two and doesn’t allow fundraising efforts to influence decisions with respect to the casino or any other CNE business,” Ashton said

Ford's defenders, several of whom have been friendly to me and this blog, have suggested that what Ford's doing is okay because it's for charity and not for him. This is misguided on several counts.

First, the Rob Ford Football Foundation is something that he's repeatedly cited in his campaigns. Therefore, regardless of its intention or the work it does, it is a political tool of the mayor's.

Second, it's clearly very important to Ford personally. That being the case, what's the difference between his asking lobbyists for foundation donations or asking for them to buy him a car?

Third, the appearance of and potential for corruption remain. What if a lobbyist who gives receives decisions from the city favourable to his clients? What if a lobbyist who refuses doesn't?

Fourth, he's still using city time and resources to work for the Ford Foundation. Despite everything, he continues to insist on doing exactly what started all the chaos the city went through in the first place.

The mayor's hubris is undeniable, but it's hardly unbelievable. He's a guy who celebrates a near-death experience by standing on his roof in a lightning storm with a fucking golf club. It's amazing to watch, but it isn't especially surprising.

As much as his defenders like to suggest otherwise, the constant controversies surrounding Etobicoke Slim aren't inventions of the media or some dubious leftist cabal. Almost without exception, he's brought them on himself by his own conduct. His enemies haven't done themselves any favors by congregating around a certain law firm whose clients include a lobbyist who worked on the campaign of one of Ford's 2010 opponents, but almost everything that has happened to Ford in office is something that he's done to himself.

I'm something of a prophet, which I don't get recognized for enough. So I'll remind you of something I said in November.

Hoping that he changes his attitude is a fool's errand. Rob Ford's entire life is a textbook exercise in entitlement. Since he inherited his money and his political career, there's no reason to believe that he's going to re-evaluate his character at this late date. After his near-constant, self-inflicted humiliations, he still blames everyone but himself.

It took Hizzoner three days after only barely surviving in office to return to the behaviour that nearly cost him his job in the first place. Three days. Christ, Toronto doesn't have a respected statesman running our affairs, we elected Lindsay Lohan.

And you know what? We're almost certainly going to get another six years of this.

Because liberals insist on being liberals, they'll do what the did last time, which is run a dozen different candidates against Ford. Ford's political polling floor seems to be about 25%. If a dead child prostitute is found in Rob's bed, a quarter of the electorate will believe that George Smitherman put her there and vote accordingly. He could lose half of his 2010 vote and still conceivably have a path to victory.

The only way that Rob Ford is going anywhere in 2014 is if a solid, adult conservative challenges him. But conservatives tend to be disciplined and the fear that challenging Ford would only elect Olivia Chow would stop most of them from doing it.

You think Ford is going to grow the fuck up after he's re-elected? I don't. He's already busy laying the groundwork for the next half-dozen scandals that will prevent him from doing anything at all as mayor.

And when conservatism is wiped out once and for all in this city, conservatives will have no one to blame but themselves for having supported that dickhead in the first place.

More likely, he'll create a Watergate-sized scandal that the courts and Council simply can't ignore.

The University of Toronto's Department of Lifestyle Studies

A couple of weeks ago, in a review of Django Unchained, I said that " people who see politics in everything should probably be buried alive." Not only is that the truest thing I've ever written, it might be the truest thing written by anyone, ever!

You know what you should see politics in? Politics. Pretty much everything else should be apolitical. Modern politics is little more than an exercise in being deliberately dishonest or honestly idiotic. Watch cable news for an hour. Then watch an hour of cartoons. If you have a difficult time deciding which had more intellectual content, you aren't alone.

Look, I don't give a fuck about what Bono thinks about the issues, and I wish that he'd stop telling me. The only thing I want to know about him is whether or not he can put out another album as cool as Achtung Baby, and I'm pretty sure that he can't. Everybody knows what Ted Nugent thinks, but it's been at least thirty years since he's accomplished anything other than receive second-billing to a goddamned puppet show, so who gives a shit?

The very last thing that should be political is fucking, and there's no shortage of asexual political misfits on both sides insisting otherwise. An entire field of sexual politics has been defined by a group of people who nobody in their right mind would want to fuck in the first place. Ideally, politics involves great thought and deliberation, and the best sex usually happens when thinking ceases entirely. Whether they're on the left or the right, people who insist on combing sex and politics universally suck at both.

So it goes without saying that the Outrage Machine is going to go into overdrive about this story.

It’s being billed online as an epic student sex club adventure — and in other corners of the web, a student orgy.

The University of Toronto Sexual Education Centre (SEC) is kicking off its annual Sexual Awareness Week next Monday at Oasis Aqua Lounge, a downtown club that bills itself as a water-themed adult playground, where swingers are welcome and sex is allowed everywhere but the hot tub.

“U of T is holding an orgy, and you’re invited! You just need your student ID” one Reddit user posted in a University of Waterloo forum.

But not so fast!

“Our executive director made it very clear that this is not an orgy, we’re not funding an orgy,” says external education and outreach co-ordinator Dylan Tower, 22, as he sits inside the sixth-floor office of SEC. “People are allowed to have sex on premise … there is not any type of ‘You should be having sex when you’re here.’ It’s very much, come and enjoy the space, there’s no prodding or pushing in that direction.”

There are names for people who show up at orgies and don't fuck. "Perverts." And do you have any idea what it takes to be labelled a pervert at an orgy? You really, really don't want to know, but the process of finding out can be even more fun than you'd suspect.

 SEC has rented a downtown Toronto fuck club (because such things are legal in Canada), Oasis Aqualongue, out for the event.

Of course, if you're overly political, this is going to twist your titty in big, bad way. Shithead social conservatives are going to look for some idiotic "culture war" angle, and victimhood junkie liberals are going be in a desperate search for victims, if only because they need something to do between SlutWalks.

As you might expect, I have other concerns.

The group’s mission is to foster a sex-positive attitude in the greater U of T area, by offering information, programming, safer-sex supplies, and peer counselling in a welcoming environment. Their sexual awareness week includes a discussion on sex positivity, an interactive sex toy demonstration and an afternoon of pornography. The first event is the party at Oasis: the organization rented the club and lowered the price to $5 a person. (Admission for couples is normally $80.)

Tower said it is a safe and cheaper way to introduce curious students to the sex club scene in Toronto. The group plans to provide a “myriad of safer-sex supplies” so “everyone can be as safe as possible” and volunteers will circulate to “make sure everyone is respectful and having the best experience Oasis has to offer,” he posted online, addressing concerns.

We're all probably a lot better off if we don't discuss how I know how fuck clubs work, but there's one thing I need to share with you. If you have larger than average genitals, do not under any circumstances rely on their condoms. They only supply them in the "regular" (or as I like to call them, "pre-teen" size.) As you might might imagine, no good can come of that.

Actually, maybe not. If you really want to impress a group of potential paramours, try on one of the establishment's scumbags and watch the ladies' eyes widen in amazement when you snap it in half. Don't ask me how I know that'll happen, just know that I do. Your WonderWang will immediately become quite the conversation piece. There are few things as flattering as having your heroic girth becoming the talk of the town.

I'm also wary of any public sexual event that allows college -aged men to participate. I've discussed this with dozens and dozens of women over the years, and they are of the universal opinion that guys under 30 just don't know how to fuck. Not only do most of these whippersnappers need training wheels under their balls, adequate cunnilingus is well beyond their skill set. I'm shocked that more sexually mature girls don't scream at them to "get off of my lawn," so to speak.

Of course, younger women are no great help because they're singular failures in telling their partners what they want and how they want it done. Oh, they'll tell all of their friends how inadequate you are, and they'll eventually tell me. They just won't help you out when you need it most.

Higher education is supposed to be about exactly that: education. And there's just no way that a 20 year old with a football scholarship and a minor in date rape can be expected to know the intricacies of a Vietnamese spin-fuck chair. No 19 year former cheerleader knows what miracles occur when she tickles a man's perineum with the tip of her tongue.



These are things that take years of experience and experimentation. I'm all for "fostering a sex positive attitude," I just think it should be done properly. And that necessarily requires the presence of mature mentors. Just as you don't let first-year chemistry students dick around with the beakers without adult supervision, the same should be doubly true of their goodies.

Folks in their late teens and early twenties think sex is pretty awesome, but they don't have a fucking clue. Just as Dan Savage teaches us, albeit in a very different context, "It gets better." And, oh, it gets so much better.

Be that as it may, the endeavour is getting kudos from the academic community, as well it should.

Jocelyn Wentland, PhD student in the Human Sexuality Research Laboratory at the University of Ottawa, said the centre should be commended for “not hosting another ‘happy hour’ at the campus bar and doing something unique.”

“Young people often experiment with their sexuality, and we know that many young adults’ conceptualizations of what constitutes a ‘relationship’ has changed over the years. Recognizing those changes and offering mechanisms and events for young adults to self-express their sexual attitudes in a safe environment should be encouraged,” she wrote in an email. “It’s time that we recognize that not everyone is in heterosexual, monogamous, committed long-term relationships and nor does everyone wish to be.”

There comes a point in everyone's life when they realize that monogamous relationships are the very worst kind. No matter how wonderful your monogamous partner might be, it's virtual certainty that he or she doesn't have two tongues with which to lick your favourite no-no places in tandem. If they do, there's a very high probability that they're fucking radioactive.

As a blogger of international renown, I know a great deal about self-expression, and I'm here to tell you that it's never as satisfying as when you're blasting it all over the face and chest of someone you just met. Some of my greatest interpersonal relationships started exactly that way and I'm sure that many more will.

Tower says sex positivity is all about coexisting, and not having disagreements about what is morally right or appropriate.

“We just make sure that everyone, no matter what they’re into, can communicate about it, and have a great experience socially, without people being like, “You can't do that, that’s gross.”

Well, except for watersports. And poo-parties. Anything German is gross and I think we can all agree about that. But I'm getting beyond the point, aren't I?

Look, if U of T itself were paying for this, I might feel differently. But they aren't, so I don't give a shit. Besides, if more and younger women get involved in the lifestyle at an earlier age, the better the chances are that I'll run into them one good eve. And no one is more about helping young adults self-express their sexual attitudes more than I am. I'm pretty Christ-like that way.

And that should be enough reason for my friends on the left and the right to keep their busy yaps shut about this. But I can almost guarantee you that they won't. I'd put good money on the Canadian blogosphere going apeshit about this story by noon, mostly because the Canadian blogosphere is out to ruin my good time, the assholes.

If the University of Toronto wanted to accomplish something even more productive, they'd offer a course in How to Live Like a Real Man.

Doug Ford Likes Wasting Money

So Rob Ford got his stay on having his ass kicked out of office next Tuesday. That shouldn't shock anyone, since the complainant, Paul Madger, didn't contest Ford's motion for a stay.

All things being equal, my opinion is that the stay should have still been denied. As my commenter, Jarrett, noted, Ford's appeal relies wholly on the most liberal and expansive interpretation of the law imaginable. And Etobicoke Slim, a guy who not six months ago advocated the Stalinist internal exile of convicted criminals, isn't really known for that. Y'know, unless it's him. The law should always bend over backwards for the Ford family.

The facts are against Rob Ford, and so is any reasonable reading of the law at issue. It therefore stands to reasons that those evil shits would play the "democracy" card.

I can't be sure of this, but I somehow doubt that the Fords would be the only people demanding a by-election were someone named anything but Ford was removed from the mayor's chair, especially this late in the term. Were it anybody but them, you'd be hearing all manner of shouted nonsense about "respecting the taxpayer" and the needless waste of money.

But since it is somebody named Ford at issue ...

“What price do you put on democracy ?” Doug Ford said, when asked about the cost of a byelection, estimated at about $7 million.

“Judges do not elect our leaders, and we’re going to bring this to the people if the appeal doesn’t go through — and that’s it folks.”

Oh, bullshit! This isn't about democracy, it's about the rule of fucking law, you asshole!

What would have happened if Rob had a giant coronary and keeled over? What if he resigned because he had a sense of human decency, instead of being the pig of a human he is? What if he was convicted criminally and sent right to fucking jail for his transgressions?  Would we need an election then?

"Democracy" is nothing more than a talking point to these shitheels. Each and every one of them.

Here's the difference between me and the Ford family; I'd be saying exactly the same thing I'm saying today if our former Sandinista mayor, David Miller, was removed under these circumstances. As a matter of fact, I'd change the law so that any approach by an officeholder to a lobbyist or someone with business before the government for money - for any reason - would be immediately thrown out of office and disqualified from running ever again.

I can pretty much guarantee you that the "Ford Nation" of mouthbreathing sycophants and the wanton hypocritical cocksuckers at Sun Media wouldn't apply that standard to anyone other than Rob Ford. Those arrogant bastards would be the first ones trumpeting "the rule of law" and the cost of a fundamentally worthless election if it wasn't their fat asses on the line.

I'm honest and they're lying. Period.

And while I'm on the topic of Sun Media, can I please point out once and for all that the one media chain that constantly decries the "coarsening of our culture" with big tits and prostitution is the only one that features big tits and hookers advertising in its own back pages.

I'm a big fan of big tits and I think prostitution should be legal. The Sun doesn't. But which one of us is making money from it? It sure as shit ain't me.

You want to know why conservatism is doomed to failure in the long run? Well, there you have it. We became the same smug, self-entitled pricks that we used to call liberals out for being. I can't wait for one of us to drown a fucking secretary and expect to be excused for the trespass because "Ted Kennedy got away with it." We've given up even pretending that our ideas are better and that we should be held to the same standard as drunken, murdering, whoring assholes.

About twenty years ago, we started a fool's errand of holding ourselves to a higher standard than liberals do, but expecting exactly the same treatment as liberals get when we fuck up. And the fact that we, as a movement, decided to elevate the dumbest and most hypocritical cunts we can find as our standard bearers ensures that normal people won't take us seriously unless liberals fuck up so horribly that moderates can't vote for them without wanting to kill themselves.

Because we've resigned ourselves to doing that, not only will we lose, we fucking well deserve to!

Sorry. I know that wasn't exactly germane to my point, but it was something I had to get off of my chest

Doug Ford then went even further into fantasyland.

If his brother remains in office, Doug Ford said the mayor would conduct himself differently because of the blow dealt by the conflict of interest ruling.

“You get hit over the head with a sledgehammer — let’s call facts facts — and you do things a little differently,” he said.

That's a statement that needs to be parsed very carefully because the Fords are fucking retarded. Will Rob ever again hit up lobbyists for his stupid fucking football fetish and then vote about whether he has to pay back the money or not?  I sincerely doubt that he's that goddamned stupid.

But all you have to do is look at what the moronic cunt did when the matter was being decided by the Court. He skipped a number of Council meetings to coach his silly fucking games and at least once commandeered TTC buses to chaufer his fucking players about.

That twat is singularly incapable of learning his fucking lesson and his shithead brother is even worse because he constantly enables the dumb fuck to do bolder and progressively dumber things. When Doug Ford says that  "you do things a little differently," the emphasis should very properly be put on "a little." They'll always find new and exciting ways to embarrass themselves, the city and conservatism until there's nothing left except their own inbred sense of pride.

Look, these assholes want a by-election because they think that they can win it. The left wing of Council wants one because they think they can win it.

For reasons that I've already outlined, this is a titanic waste of money and is nothing more than an engineeered play for political positioning in 2014. And any member of Council who who supports it is my mortal enemy. Any councillor who runs in a by-election - including the Fords - is someone you should vote against if you give a shit about fiscal responsibility.

This isn't a fucking game. The goddamned Ford brothers keep telling us that we don't have $7 million to piss away on a "gravy train," unless, that is, the train stops at their own self-aggrandizing door.

If there's going to be a by-election, I will vote for anybody but the Fords and councillors who vote for an election. I don't give a shit if it's the ghost of Mao Zedong or some homeless pervert. The election itself will be a single issue for me. If you support it, I'll do whatever I can to destroy you.

But I will also use this space to individually target each and every councillor who forces such a needlessly expensive and incredibly stupid exercise on the city. And I'll work my hardest to defeat any councillor that votes for it in 2014. The non-Ford conservatives have been pretty good about this, but I'm keeping my eye on them, as well.

If you're a candidate against the by-election - left, right, or in between - and you want a smart, angry son of bitch to cause some mayhem, you can get me at skippystalinATgmailDOTcom. If this election happens, I don't care who you are or what you believe, I'll just want some good old-fashioned revenge.

Some Clarifications in the Strange and Savage Fall of Rob Ford

One of these things is not like the other


 

Obviously, I disagree with Now Weekly's decision to use a cover image of Rob Ford that brings to mind the famous Time cover from the week Adolf Hitler committed suicide in his Berlin bunker. Hitler analogies are to be used sparing, so great are the sensitives to the monstrous crimes of the "Thousand Year Reich and its erstwhile fuhrer. Such analogies such have some semblance of historical accuracy, which is why sensible people are so offended by the Now cover.

You shouldn't compare Rob Ford to Hitler, mostly because it's unfair .. to Hitler.

Hitler's story remains so terrifying because of how improbable it was. In not quite 15 years, he went from being a Vienna hobo to controlling a major industrial nation and amassing the greatest land army Europe had seen to that point.

Until his dual miscalculations in invading Poland in 1939 and the Soviet Union in 1941, Hitler had been undeniably effective. He had cast aside the yoke of the Versailles treaty, rearmed Germany and began his conquest of Central Europe without a single shot being fired. He was demonic and his ideas contradictory and confusing, but until his hubris overtook his judgement, Hitler accomplished far more than anyone had reason to expect he would.

No fair reading of the record would suggest anything comparable about Rob Ford. He can't even control City Council most of the time.

The only way that Ford and Hitler are similar is in their respective downfalls. Both blamed strange conspiracies that stabbed them in the back, but the truth is that they were both brought low by hubris, grandiose notions and the idea that they would triumph through the sheer force of their will.

And make no mistake, Ford did this to himself. He isn't Hitler so much as he is a half-witted and intellectually pedestrian Richard Nixon. When Mr. Justice Hackland's order removing the Mayor was handed down last Monday, I immediately thought of the former president's rare concession to David Frost in their famous interviews; "I brought myself down," Nixon admitted. "I gave them a sword and they stuck it in and twisted it with relish. And I guess that if I had been in their position, I'd have done the same thing."



In the last week, I've seen any number of assertions, both in my comments section here and elsewhere in the media, that need to be challenged.

The first major assertion is that Ford was disgraced by mysterious progressives playing dirty. Doug Ford has made that argument repeatedly, citing the law firm that represented Paul Magder.

I'll grant you that that's an amusing straw man, but it's little more than that. Mayor Ford wasn't framed, for Christ's sake. As a matter of fact, he was repeatedly warned about the perils of his continuing conduct, first by Integrity Commissioner Janet Leiper, then by Council's then-Speaker, Sandra Bussin, who warned that he might be in a conflict of interest. Ford, being Ford, pressed ahead anyway, thinking that he knew better than everyone else and that the rules just didn't apply to him.

Moreover, the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act wasn't a secret that was being hidden by the enemies of the Ford family. It was passed in public 22 years ago. It has been the governing law in Ontario for a generation now.

The second flawed assertion is that "This is all about Ford's football charity, which is a good thing, right?"

Actually, no it isn't either all about the charity, nor is it necessarily a good thing.

Royson James (who I should really stop citing as a reference, but has written good stuff on this story) gives a detailed history in Friday's Toronto Star.

Ford announced his candidacy for mayor during one of his frequent appearances on AM 640 on March 25, 2010. Six weeks later, Leiper received a complaint from a citizen.

The complainant, not a ward constituent, had received a donation request from Ford on his councillor letterhead, postmarked March 19. The money was for Ford’s football foundation, a charity set up in 2008 to buy football equipment for struggling high school teams.

The complainant wrote that the letter “left me uncomfortable. While it was not stated in words, there was a clear sense of an implied suggestion that a donation to his charity might serve me well should he be elected mayor.”

It wasn’t the first such complaint. In December 2009 and February 2010, Leiper had warned Ford to separate his private fundraising efforts from his public councillor’s job and not use city hall letterhead to raise money.

Now, she advised Ford again — twice in person and twice by telephone — to no avail. Ford responded: “I do not understand why it would be inappropriate to solicit funds for an arms-length charitable cause using my regular employment letterhead.” The complaint had no basis in policy or law, he wrote. Besides, a “worthy cause would be undermined by an inconsequential complaint about the use of letterhead.”

Leiper asked him to reconsider. Councillor Ford refused to amend his response.

The two previous complaints give insights into Ford’s thinking.

“On Nov. 11, 2009, a member of the public provided a copy of a mailing received from Councillor Ford which contained the same “Dear Friends” letter requesting donations to the football foundation, along with a copy of the news article, a business card from Rob Ford, Councillor, a fridge magnet for Rob Ford Etobicoke North Councillor and a promotional sticker for Deco Labels and Tags, the Ford family business.”

Ford agreed it was improper to include the Deco sticker in the mailing. But he added a couple of telling twists that would recur as he plunged deeper into trouble.

For one, city letterhead paper isn’t city property because he paid for it out of his own pocket, Ford argued. Secondly, his fundraising falls within city business because it assists underprivileged residents. And, he maintained, the Toronto Community Foundation, which administers his charitable foundation, had approved the content of his fundraising.

He was wrong on all counts and Leiper told him so, Dec. 10, 2009.

City council had established the position of integrity commissioner to assist politicians with issues not clearly black and white. When in doubt on a code of conduct issue, councillors were to check with the commissioner and go with her advice or risk a complaint and a finding of violation.

Leiper was clear that Ford’s actions were improper. By “asking citizens for money for a personal cause on councillor letterhead, there is a risk that you could be seen to be using your influence as a councillor to raise money for your private foundation,” Leiper wrote to Ford.

She reported that “Councillor Ford was advised that lobbyists or developers who might want to seek his support in his role as councillor might feel that they could do that by making donations to his named foundation.

“Finally, I identified the City of Toronto logo as being property of the City of Toronto that is subject to the Use of Corporate Logo, Donations and Sponsorships policy to be used only for officially sanctioned City of Toronto business.”

Separate your councillor business from your private fundraising efforts, Ford was told. He apologized to the complainant, but would continue to violate the code of conduct.
Leiper’s probe uncovered other troubling facets of Ford’s fundraising efforts, later reported to council.

• Ford’s Ward 2 website improperly featured links for donations to his private charity.

• Ford frequently used office staff and city resources to solicit funds and manage the foundation on city time.

• Ford’s mayoral campaign website boasted that his foundation had donated $100,000 to eight schools. Leiper’s investigation uncovered records showing the foundation had raised only $37,294.68 and assisted four schools since its inception.

• There was a “lack of rigour to record-keeping by Councillor Ford that included deleting or discarding the source material used to create the mailing lists, and the details of financial reporting.”

• Ford failed to provide records showing his donor list — records Leiper needed to check to see how many were registered as lobbyists. Leiper asked Ford if he was aware he was soliciting from lobbyists. He first denied knowing, then acknowledged that he knew two of them.

“I asked him if he had been lobbied after he had received a donation from them. He responded that it was ‘ridiculous to say something like that.’ Neither he, nor his assistant, responded to requests to confirm whether they had met with the lobbying firm.”

• Leiper found 26 businesses who donated to Ford’s charity between August 2009 and May 7, 2010. Eleven had been lobbying city hall for business during this time. Seven of the 11 were registered to lobby Ford. The lobbyists donated $3,150 to Ford’s charity.

• One donor ($400 in 2009) received “multi-million-dollar contracts spanning 2009-2011,” awarded by the city through competitive bidding.

If there were any doubts as to Leiper’s concerns, her Aug. 10, 2010, report to council erased them.


Strict rules on both sides exist to ensure city hall lobbying is transparent and conducted with integrity. She quoted directly from Justice Denise Bellamy, who headed up the Toronto Leasing Inquiry into one of the city’s biggest scandals:
“When public office holders, elected or not, accept meals, gifts, entertainment and other favours from those attempting to influence them, they corrode public trust.”

Bellamy’s “list of problematic corporate benefits” included donations to charitable events sponsored by public office holders, Leiper said. She detailed the improper nature of Ford’s actions:

“In this case, Councillor Ford solicited and received donations from lobbyists to his named private foundation, on City of Toronto official letterhead from his office at city hall where he conducts his councillor business.

“In return for these donations from lobbyists, Councillor Ford received the benefit of additional funding to his foundation, which he used to enhance his reputation both as a councillor via his website and as a candidate by including this information in his campaign materials.”

Ford usually called all donors to personally thank them. Sometimes, more money was requested.

 “This was not an “arm’s-length” arrangement,” Leiper wrote, as Ford “combined the roles of public office holder and private citizen. It would be understandable if those who made donations concluded that they were ‘doing the councillor a favour’ by making a donation to his foundation.”

Leiper then addressed head-on the argument that the donations were for a good cause.

“The validity of the charitable cause is not the point. The more attractive the cause or charity, the greater the danger that other important questions will be overlooked, including who is being asked to donate, how are they being asked, who is doing the asking, and is it reasonable to conclude that a person being asked for money will take into account the position of the person asking for the donation.

“Where there is an element of personal advantage (in this case, the publication of the councillor’s good works, even beyond what they had actually achieved), it is important not to let the fact that it is “all for a good cause” justify using improper methods for financing that cause.

“People who are in positions of power and influence must make sure their private fundraising does not rely on the metaphorical ‘muscle’ of perceived or actual influence in obtaining donations.”

(I apologize in advance for blockquoting so much of Mr. James' article, but this is the clearest, most concise reading available on the intricacies of this case)

Not only were city resources being expended on Ford's private fundraising, the results of said resources were being used on his campaign website and other political materials. That has a truly awful ethical appearance.

And as I've now said repeatedly, it is the solicitation of donations from lobbyists and other entities with business before the city that I find most troubling. That alone is enough for me to support his removal and disqualification from ever returning. Using official letterhead could suggest to the recipient that the solicitation is approved by the city itself and add pressure to give. Those donations would then be touted by the Ford campaign for political gain.

Unlike some, I'm not going to paint that as outright corruption, but that's only because I don't think that Rob Ford is bright enough to devise a corrupt motive.

Ford Nation's definition of a conflict of interest is also laughable. There needn't be a direct financial conflict between the city and a given councillor, contrary to borderline retarded arguments made both in court and in other public venues. Ford could be in conflict in his roles as a representative of his foundation and his duties as councillor and mayor.

The fact remains that he was warned over and over and over again. Pretty much everyone around him knew that this wasn't going to end well. Being either arrogant or stupid is bad enough, being both is one of the most combustible combinations known in politics.

Of course, I'm not going to pretend that this wasn't compounded by other aspects of Ford's personality. He made a name for himself by embarrassing other councillors on their office expenditures and making a huge show of paying for his office budget himself.

If you're going to make that kind of a spectacle of yourself in politics, you had damn well better be as pure as the driven snow. If you're not, there's going come a time when you need the political support of your colleagues, and it isn't going to be there.

Anthony Weiner didn't disintegrate as quickly as he did just because he liked tweeting pictures of his wang. Other politicians survived worse things than that. Weiner was forced to resign because other Democrats had long and thorough experience with what an unbearable prick he was. When he needed friends the most. he found that he had created a situation where he didn't have any.

You know how many conservative councillors are cooperating with Ford's game plan since last Monday? One. His brother.

If there's one thing that everything in the goddamned city knows, it's that Rob Ford would be showing no mercy to anyone else in the position he's put himself in. As a matter of fact, within seconds, he'd be holding a stupid press conference denouncing the person and uttering moronic bumper sticker slogans about gravy trains and corruption.

This is the quandary that the Mayor has put himself in. He built a career pissing on his colleagues, thinking that he could win by appealing to the people. But the people are so exhausted by the endless string of embarrassments that he's brought upon himself that they aren't supporting him, either.

I was shocked by the Angus Reid poll on Friday. I knew that his numbers would be bad, but I had no idea that they'd be that bad.  To one degree or another, almost three-quarters of the city supports his ouster. And his personal favourability numbers are almost as bad.

Remember when the Tea Party romped to power in Congress two years ago and Barack Obama was declared finished? Obama's polling was nearly twice as good as Ford's is. And he's so delusional that he's agitating for a campaign that he could win, at least in theory, but would require so many different things to go exactly right that it's almost hopeless.And how you run on a message of "respect the taxpayer" while forcing an incredibly expensive and totally unnecessary election is beyond me.

I've compared Rob Ford to Richard Nixon a few times in the last eight days. It's a good analogy, but far from a great one. There's one incredibly important difference between Ford and Nixon.

Richard Nixon was smart enough to know when he was beaten once and for all.

"The Smell of Death's Around You" : Rob Ford & That Poll

Note to my non-Toronto readers: Look, I know that there a lot more of you here than my fellow denizens of Hogtown. over half of you aren't even Canadian.

I never thought that I'd writing a blog primarily focused on local politics, and for years you wouldn't have known where I lived at all. That changed with the rise, spectacular fall and possible resurrection of Mayor Rob Ford.

It's a pretty compelling story, and one I can't easily ignore. Everything about the man perfectly fits into this blog's narrative of what's happening to conservatism. I'm horrified by it and in love with it, all at once.

I'm getting quite the reaction from my musings here, but I understand how it can be a little "inside baseball" if you don't actually live here. As always, I appreciate your continued patience.

Thanks,

skippy

They say that the numbers don't lie, and I generally believe that. I spent the better part of two months pointing out that Republicans were kidding themselves with "skewed polls" in this month's presidential election. Polling, for the most part, is generally right and a useful tool. Were it not, nobody would use it. And political and journalistic types pay obscene amounts of money for polling.

Having said that, I do take issue with hypothetical political polling.  Politics is far too fluid a game to reasonably make judgements on hypotheticals. In Toronto's last mayoral campaign, for example, Adam Giambrone was supposed to clear the liberal field early, take on either John Tory or Rob Ford and save the day for David Miller's strange legacy. Then we learned of his love of hot. strange pussy and his campaign folded within days of it beginning. But, for about ten minutes, he was the Golden Child, at least on paper.

We don't know that there's going to be a by-election to fill the judicially created vacancy in the mayor's office. I prefer that there isn't, and every right-leaning member councillor that isn't named Ford seems to agree with me.

As is true with most things, it depends on what the liberal plurality on City Council chooses to do. If Ford isn't granted a stay, they can either force a by-election, which is clearly in their interest, or they can bypass Doug Holyday and create open warfare.

As indicated by this morning's Angus Reid poll, Mayor Ford's numbers are nightmarish. Contrary to everything I've heard since Monday, both here and elsewhere, there is overwhelming support for getting rid of Etobicoke Slim once and for all. Not having poked around the internals of the poll, the numbers look even worse than I ever expected them to be.

In an Angus Reid Public Opinion poll conducted after Ford was kicked out of office on Monday — he is now appealing — 69 per cent of respondents said they supported Justice Charles Hackland’s decision, 49 per cent of them strongly. That’s compared to 27 per cent who opposed the ruling, 16 per cent of them strongly.

Ford may not be permitted to run in a byelection. If he is, he will have to face an electorate that has solidified in its antipathy to him. Fifty-seven per cent of poll respondents said they would “definitely” not vote for Ford in a byelection. Another 11 said they would “probably” not vote for him.

Though Ford is renowned for his “nation” of devotees, the poll suggests that his opponents are now more enthusiastic than his supporters. A mere 16 per cent of respondents said they would definitely vote for him, 11 per cent said they would probably vote for him.

Ford’s favourability rating was also dismal. Only 28 per cent said they had a positive impression of him, 67 per cent a negative impression. NDP MP and potential candidate Olivia Chow’s numbers were nearly the opposite: 60 per cent had a positive impression of her, 24 per cent negative.

(Since this poll was published, Mr. Justice Hackland struck "the current term" language from his ruling, therefore qualifying the Mayor to run in a by-election.)

Ouch.

For two years now, I've been making the case that the supposed "Ford Nation" doesn't exist. His election was based entirely based on a heavily divided field opposing him and his ability to (falsely) portray himself as a conservative.

This poll should divided into two parts: The removal of Ford (along with his personal numbers,) and the hypothetical horserace.

Nearly three-quarters of those polled (69%,) to one degree or another, supports removing him from office. His re-elect numbers are better by a single point.

Here's the dirty little secret of populism: you need to actually be popular for it to work. Absent a strong personality cult, populism - on either the left or the right - is a hodgepodge of nonsensical policies that actually work against one another.

Ford's 2010 campaign was a perfect example of that. He ran on the idea that you could build a $100 billion subway system and pay for it by cutting $75, 000 of gardening at Nathan Philips Square. Not only did he promise during his campaign that he wouldn't cut city services, he said that he might actually increase them.

That was horseshit, and all but the most delusional Sun Media mavens now know it. And Ford's numbers haven't exactly been great for over a year now.

I'm not going to pretend that 69% of the city supports the points of law on Hizzoner's removal, or even knows what the facts of the case even are. I'd guess that half of them have no understanding whatsoever about either. Nor does it matter. Ignorant assholes decide elections all the time.

They just want Robbie gone.  And in the big, bad world out there, that's all that matters.

I'll grant you that there is a path to victory for the mayor, but that relies almost entirely on the kindness of his enemies.

Rob Ford begins any hypothetical race with the support of the 20% of people who also believe that supermodels will blow them if they only get to know them. They will buy anything the Ford family has to say. You don't get more rock-solid than that vote. If it was found that the Mayor was butchering prostitutes and burying them in the park he wanted to buy, they'd applaud him for "cleaning up the streets."

These people really do think that taking TTC buses out of service for his dopey football team or demanding to fix the road in front of the family business was perfectly justifiable. That's the personality cult of populism talking. (See also Long, Huey.) Who needs a "gravy train," when you can comandeer a couple of city buses?

If the left acts like the left and runs a half dozen "bitter-ender" candidates, it's at least conceivable that Etobicoke Slim runs up the middle and wins. That's basically what happened the last time. Former provincial health minister George Smitherman was also a less than ideal main opposition candidate, even though he was backed by the brains and the money of the institutional Conservative parties of both Ontario and Canada.

And that, my friends, is where Olivia Chow comes in.

Chow isn't going to run as herself. That'll never work. Instead, she's going to run as the anointed spiritual successor to the recented sainted Jack Layton. I can't imagine her giving a speech where her late husband's name isn't invoked at least a dozen times. If you think that's not going to carry some serious weight, you're kidding yourselves.

That begs the question; how do liberal candidates run against the ghost of Jack while remaining committed to liberal orthodoxy. Olivia also benefits from the fact that liberals hate Ford far more than they hate one another, the exact opposite phenomenon from what have saved Stephen Harper over and over again.

Then there's what Richard Nixon called the "nut-cutting" of politics.

Rob Ford got beaten in the Old City of Toronto and won with concentrated support in the suburbs. But the northern and eastern rings of the city are heavily Asian. Off of the top of m head, there are probably a half-dozen wards that Chow could win with the support of the Chinese community alone, mine included.

In a clean head-to-head race, I can't see how Ford beats Chow. And after 2010, I don't see a bitter ender like Joe Pantalone staying in the race through election day.

So here's the question for conservatives: Do you love Rob Ford more than you fear Olivia Chow?

If she runs, (which is a significant if,) my guess is that she'll probably win on the basis on her name, who her husband was and the demographics of the city.

The only way to plausibly stop her is by "bigfooting" Ford out of the race.

That means John Tory. If you combine Tory's vote with Ford's, you have 44%, which is more than enough to win under almost any scenario. And given how the right feels about Olivia Chow,  I can't imagine that they wouldn't vote for Tory.

But given the Angus-Reid numbers, I can see a whole lot of Tory's voters going to Chow, if only to get rid of Ford.

That being the case, I think that if Tory indicated his willingness to run, Ford's money and support would evaporate overnight. I for one wouldn't vote for a Ford, except in a recall. I very much would vote for John Tory, especially if that meant stopping Olivia Chow.

But would I be more comfortable with Chow than Ford? Probably. I wouldn't vote for her, but at least I know that her administration wouldn't be best with personal embarrassment, personal entitlement and constant court appearances.

The fact is that I don't see Olivia Chow being any better than Rob Ford on mt priorities, but I don't see her being any worse, either. The difference is that I can see conservative governance coming back after Chow, and that's a fool's errand with Ford.

Again, I will go absolutely apeshit if a monstrously expensive and essentially meaningless election is forced on the city that puts in a mayor that basically has six months to do nothing at all. Not only will I refuse to support any candidate that does that, I will never vote for them again and agitate against them to the fullest extent of my ability.

But, as of this morning, the Ford brothers should start being awfully careful what they wish for. They just might get it, and I suspect it won't end the way they think it will.

The Ford Follies Redux: So What's Next?

In the days since Mayor Rob Ford was ordered removed from office for having violated the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act, the outrage from conservative quarters has been selective, ironic and more than a little enlightening.

I agree with those that suggest that "the punishment doesn't fit the crime," although they're silly on the facts, the law, and everything they've said about politicians who aren't Rob Ford.

Outright removal does seem rather drastic but those that are morally affronted by this are the very people who usually loathe judicial discretion and want it limited by legislation to the maximum possible extent. Indeed, virtually all of Ford's supporters in this case also support Stephen Harper's criminal justice reforms that impose mandatory minimum sentences. 

Well, once Ford was found in breach of the MCIA, Justice Hackland had no discretion. The Act itself doesn't allow for anything less than removal. The Court showed as much leniency as it could in not disqualifying Hizzoner from running past the expiration of his current term.

The MCIA was passed in 1990 and all three provincial parties have subsequently had majority governments and ample opportunity to amend or rescind it. None did, and that at least implies consensus. Indeed, the MCIA could have been revisited by Queen's Park when the Stronger City of Toronto for a Stronger Ontario Act was passed in 2005, but it wasn't. Mike Harris could have changed it under the 1998 amalgamation, but he didn't.

I also have grave doubts that Ford supporters would have the same level of disgust if a liberal politician found themselves in their guy's position. Mayor Ford's supporters are all about "law and order," except when they aren't.

The outrage is therefore more than a little selective and a lot hypocritical.

As I mentioned after the Court's ruling Monday, I see little prospect for success in Ford's promised appeal. The facts of the case and the law couldn't be clearer. I'm not an attorney, but I see no realistic chance that the verdict will be overturned. For that reason, a stay on removal should not be granted during the process.

I'm also of the qualified opinion that there should be no by-election to replace Ford. By the time such an election is finally held, there will be less than 18 months of the term remaining. It will be a titanic waste of $7 million that Ford himself has spent years saying that the city doesn't have.

My qualification on a by-election is based on what City Council chooses to do. Ideally, Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday - a solid, respected member of Council, a Ford ally and a conservative - will be appointed to replace Ford. If Holyday is named acting mayor, "the will of the people" isn't fundamentally altered and another city-wide is unnecessary. But for the fact that Holyday can actually get along with others and maybe accomplish something without turning the city upside down, nothing fundamentally changes. It also stands to reason that the post of deputy mayor exists only for circumstances such as this.

And if Rob Ford is so beloved, there should be nothing stopping him from winning another term in 2014.

Furthermore, on the outside chance that Ford's appeal is successful, Holyday can step aside with no muss or fuss. That might not be true of a mayor elevated in a by-election. Then you would have two elected mayors. It should also be noted that the consensus of opinion - including the city's own lawyer - is that Justice Hackland has ruled that Ford is disqualified from any by-election.  The removal of an elected executive by the judiciary is bad enough, irrespective of where the fault lies. The resulting turmoil should be minimized as much as possible.

However, if Council chooses to attempt a sort of coup and fundamentally change the governance of the city by naming someone other than Holyday, I would probably very reluctantly support a by-election. From most of the reports I've read, the activist left on Council gets that and won't try it. But they will try to go to the polls.

In yesterday's Toronto Star, Royson James (perhaps unknowingly) makes the case against a by-election.

A city-wide by-election would be an incredibly expensive and unnecessary freak-show. The fact that the Ford brothers both support one undermines their "respect for the taxpayer." If Rob can't run, the thinking goes, his even dumber and more abrasive brother, Doug, can. And the cost be damned, which tells you more about the Ford brothers than any platform ever could. They're "champing at the bits. They are ready to go" to waste enormous amounts of public money on something as meaningless as a family restoration to the throne.

Forget about the Mayor's supposed apology yesterday. Those two feel no shame at all. They want a campaign because they think they can win it.

This, contrary to the insipid Ford party line, isn't about "democracy." The MCIA was passed by the duly elected government of Ontario over 20 years ago. The law, while imperfectly written (and even Justice Hackland acknowledged that in his ruling,) worked exactly as it is was designed to. The law may well be an ass, but that's for Queen's Park to address.

Nor is this a recall effort. If that were the case, I would vote to retain Ford, simply because I dislike recalls more than I do the mayor. Principle means more to me that silly and transitory political figures do. I initially opposed Ford and Rocco Rossi for the sole reason that they proposed or supported the idea of recalls.

Whoever wins a by-election won't have much of a mandate or the time to do very much at all. A Toronto campaign lasts 300 days, meaning that the newly elected mayor would have as little as six months to enact his or her agenda before everything effectively stops for the 2014 election. The incumbent wouldn't have a record to run on, just an institutional advantage in the next campaign.

I'm not naive. I get why the politicians desperately want a by-election. A by-election is 45 days instead of 300, therefore much less expensive. There's also a much lesser chance of being politically immolated by personal revelations in such a short campaign. That's thought to be the reason that Arnold Schwarzenegger declined to run in the 2002 California governor's race, but chose to go for it in the much shorter recall campaign the following year, which had the added luxury of not having a Republican primary.

In a short campaign, the person with the highest name recognition wins, which in this case means John Tory, Olivia Chow, George Smitherman or Doug Ford, depending on whether any or all of them run. I doubt Tory would, since a stunt like that would diminish him and he knows it.

Even the "losers" win for having run, since in doing so, they automatically raise their name recognition and establish a campaign team and donor base for the big show a year later. Barring a complete Adam Giambrone- style disaster, it's the smartest money a politician could spend.

Ford's allies on Council (who, with the exception of Doug, have made quite the show of distancing themselves from him) are saying exactly the same thing I am: Unless the left decides to usurp the results of the last election in their entirety, there should be no by-election.

Not only is that a principled, fundamentally conservative position, it shows real "respect for the taxpayer." Of the conservatives on Council, only the Ford brothers want a publicly funded, prohibitively expensive freakshow of an election that accomplishes absolutely nothing.

If they get their way, fine. Let that be the legacy of our freakshow mayor and his even more half-witted brother. Through their unbelievable arrogance, as reflected through their own actions, the people who won promising a subway system that we can't afford forced an unnecessary election that we can't afford and moreover accomplishes nothing.

In what should be the most disgraceful moment of their lives, the Ford family is still insisting on clown time. Enough!

Doug Holyday should be named acting mayor. Period.

I will oppose in the most forceful way possible any councillor that agitates for such a foolish and godawfuly expensive election, regardless of whatever other qualities they bring to the table. I've voted for my (conservative) councillor throughout his entire career, but I will let him know that I will never vote for him again if he supports a by-election while a Holyday caretaker administration is still on the table.

I will have sent him an e-mail stating that before this is scheduled to post. It will be my first letter to an elected politician.


Picture courtesy of a very special friend.