You know that your campaign is doing well when you have to begin a major media buy with the words "I'm not a witch." I mean, how can you not win with a slogan like that? And for those of you who are still doubters, Christine O'Donnell might throw herself into a well on Halloween, just to prove that she doesn't float. In the meantime, she'll continue to get crushed like a fucking bug on the windshield that is democracy in Delaware.
Of course, I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that she's me. I doubt that Ms. O'Donnell has a jaw-droppingly beautiful penis and the ability to eat pussy like a retard. Unless I'm horribly, horribly wrong about her, that is. She's awfully cute and it would be a shame if she had a giant wang, more so because of her previously stated position on masturbation. Some things are just too wrong to think about in too much depth.
I would also question Christine's knowledge about what politicians do to stay in office, since her singular achievement in electoral politics thus far has been to hand Joe Biden his largest margin of victory in his then-36 year career. And Biden was otherwise disposed during the 2008 campaign. Maybe you read about it. It's as if the best way for Democrats to stay in office is for the Republicans to nominate candidates like Christine O'Donnell.
Having said that, if, by some cosmic fluke, O'Donnell wins, I hope that she'd do what I'd do. That's because her own life decisions have been remarkable for how overwhelming bad they've been. Living off of campaign donations while screwing your staff and vendors isn't a great way to make friends these days. And while the plague of home foreclosures is a national tragedy, nearly losing your own place usually isn't the best platform from which to run for the United States Senate on a budget balancing platform.
Worse than that, she's an exceptionally bad liar. Her untruths, which are many for they are legion, are now unravelling on a weekly basis, coinciding nicely with the batshit crazy things that she told Bill Maher a decade ago. While hers might not be the technically best campaign in history on points, it's certainly among the most entertaining. She's like a more fuckable Alvin Greene, and her chances of winning are about the same.
It would be amusing if O'Donnell did win, though. Her rise to prominence is exactly where the Tea Party is going to fracture and break apart into a million little pieces. She, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck are rapidly bringing the movement toward religious conservatism, which it has successfully avoided for over a year now. The Tea Parties have been, if not exactly fiscal conservatives, anti-government populists and studiously avoided social issues.
However, as people like O'Donnell Sharron Angle in Nevada and Ken Buck in Colorado have been nominated, they've also started talking about issues like abortion, which is potentially lethal. They'll create the same divisions between fiscal and social conservatives that have existed in the GOP for decades. How you align people like O'Donnell, Angle and Buck with libertarians like Rand Paul is going to be fun to watch, especially if the GOP comes as close to winning the Senate as it appears that they will.
I've heard all manner of vague threats about how "the battle for the soul of the Republican party begins on November third", and it might very well be true. But if the Tea Party is going to win that battle, they'll have to define what they believe in first.
They've gotten away with empty rhetoric about cutting spending while increasing or leaving a current levels spending for Social Security, Medicare and the Pentagon. But the math isn't there to enact it as a governing agenda. Once you start complicating that debate with insane purity tests on abortion and rubbing one out, the coalition falls apart and the establishment GOP takes over once again.
I have no doubt that what we're seeing is a reenactment of the Republican party, circa 1962-'64. The Goldwater insurgency took over the electoral machinery of the party and proceeded to slam it directly into the ground. More than anything, Goldwater himself was just the figurehead of that.
The Teapublicans are probably going to do better than they should next month, and that's where the fun really starts. Presidential candidates are notorious cowards, particularly during a primary season. By February at the latest, you're going to start seeing the predictable names declaring their candidacies and running toward the Tea Partiers so hard that they'll make themselves unelectable in a general election. Moreover, everyone saw what happened to poor Mitch Daniels (who I could actually see myself supporting) when he called for a "truce on social issues."
After the 2012 dust settles and the Tea Party begins to realize that they've accomplished little other than reelecting Obama, you'll see a Nixon-like establishment figure picking up the pieces of what could very well be a Goldwater-esque debacle.
Having said that, Barry Goldwater never had to enter a general election by declaring that he wasn't a witch.
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