If there's one thing that makes me bouncing-off-the-walls crazy, it's the recent embrace of the cult of victimhood by the conservative movement. People like Andrew Breitbart and Sarah Palin have built very lucrative careers out of whining about how unfair life is, and their ignorant acolytes in the media and blogosphere can't seem to get enough of it. Problematically, they engage in this very public bedweting as they continue to chide liberals for it. This is just one example of modern conservatives being no different than the old-timey Left, just a lot more hypocritical about it. If nothing else, liberals have always been up front about being whiny assholes. They're actually rather proud of it and give each other awards for excelling at it. Modern conservatives, especially those in the fucking blogosphere, just seem to be doing it for fun.
And this brings me yet again to Krista Erickson and the Sun News Network. I've been watching Sun News diligently since Monday and, just as I feared, I'm falling in love with it. They're playing up the media hype that they're a conservative alternative to the Goddamn Liberal Media, which is hilarious to me because the news isn't conservative or liberal, it's the fucking news. I'm more than capable of deciding how to interpret it on my own, but I love watching conservatives being as friggin' pretentious as liberals famously are.
I'll say this for the first and last time: if, as a conservative, you feel that you need an entire network to reinforce things that you already believe, chances are that you're too dumb to be a conservative. And God knows that there are already more than enough idiots on the Right these days. Someone like William F. Buckley wouldn't have survived fifteen minutes in this media culture, if only because willful ignorance and herd mentalities are actually celebrated by the modern movement. If Barry Goldwater, easily the most conservative major party presidential nominee in U.S history, were alive today, he'd be revolted by the entire sideshow spectacle.
As I wrote about on Monday, Quebecor decided to make SNN's afternoon anchor (and my current soul mate, Facebook friend, and the object of much furious masturbation) Krista Erickson the face - and smoking hot little body - of the network. And you know what? I'm fine with that. As a matter of fact, I'm more than fine with it. I'd go so far as to say that I'm throbbing with glee. As you might imagine, I support the corporate sexualization of virtually everything.
Not everybody, as it happens, is as cool - or violently turned-on - with that as I am. The Globe and Mail published a particularly snotty column decrying Ms. Erickson's innate ability to get me hard enough to cut diamonds. And "Canada's Jon Stewart," Rick Mercer, tweeted “Just yesterday SUN TV’s studios was full of dry wall, today it is full of silicone," which is actually pretty funny.
The problem is that Krista can't let it roll off of her back and over the curve of her superior, heart-shaped little ass. She's made several snide remarks about both Mercer and the Globe on the air, and now she's putting this on Facebook
Hopeyou enjoyed the world premier of Bob Rae's cover of "Imagine". Another star-studded lineup today. Topics: Is Michael Ignatieff a phony? More on our Sun News exclusive on Iggy's role in the Iraq invasion. Speaking of plastic, Rick Mercer says we're all silicone here at SNN - shall we clear the air once and for all? I think so! Ottawa's celebrity stylist and my BFF weighs in on that and campaign fashion.Oh God, please tell me that another hot TV chick is going to strip her down and feel her up, looking for silicone. If she's a certified gynecologist or proctologist, that would be even better. Nothing would be "must see TV" quite like that!
Look, Quebecor made the decision to have Krista as the sexy image of the network, primarily because she's a piece of ass. I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't have made that marketing decision if they hired, say, Helen Thomas as the afternoon anchor. That was a conscious decision and one that she happily went along with.
If Erickson is going to allow herself to marketed primarily as my masturbatory fantasy, she shouldn't be shocked or outraged when someone remarks on it. As much as she'd like to, she can't have it both ways. Sun News can't spotlight her perfect and perky cans and then waste airtime getting indignant about anyone pointing out that her cans are indeed perfect and perky. Being a hot piece of ass doesn't undermine her journalistic credibility (as much as she may or may not have any, I hadn't heard of her before Monday), but constantly whining about it most assuredly does.
If I were to offer Krista any advice at all, it would be to pick a side of the fence and stay on it. Unless, of course, she wants to straddle it, in which case I'd ask only that she take pictures of it and post them on Facebook. Because I'd really dig that.
My friend, the great Mark Bourrie, wrote about Sun News Network in a continuing column that you should really read for Ottawa Magazine.
0 comments:
Post a Comment