Further Evidence That Children are Stupid

One of my major differences with the rest of humanity is that we can't agree on who deserves to be properly feared and reviled. Most folks are of the opinion that those who are guilty of, say, genocide should be shunned by the rest of us. Now, I'm not saying that they're wrong, necessarily. I'm just saying that children are worse.

As I've said before, kids are short, smelly and ignorant. They can't hold their liquor, pay off a bet, smoke properly, and god help everybody if you try to tell the little bastards a dirty joke. Adults are way better than children in every imaginable way. I honestly can't blame parents for forgetting their names sometimes.

Worse, the degenerate pricks are just cruel. In a lot ways, they're worse than the godamned Nazis. Ask any reasonably interesting person, and you'll hear endless stories of the viciousness their peers subjected them to in their youth. If nothing else, the Germans didn't let you linger, nor did they take any particular joy out of your suffering.

Don't believe me? Ask Katy Perry.

Katy Perry longed for smaller breasts when she was a teenager - because cruel classmates taunted her for her busty figure.

The I Kissed a Girl hitmaker admits she hated her "enormous" chest when she was young and dreamed of having a stick-thin physique like supermodel Kate Moss.

She even resorted to wearing minimiser bras in a bid to reduce her appearance - but now insists she's happy with her cup size because her curves "come in handy".

Perry tells Elle magazine, "When I was a kid... I had enormous boobs that I didn't know what to do with. I wore minimisers, which were not cute. Those thick-a** straps! I got made fun of for the over-the-shoulder boulder holder... All I wanted was to look like Kate Moss. Little did I know... that these things would come in handy someday."

You know, if that's not a crime against humanity, I just don't know what is.

In my younger years, I knew girls with bountiful chests and I witnessed the ridicule that they endured. I never participated, mostly because I was smarter than most other kids. Instead, I revered those girls, knowing how golden they would someday be. My unrelenting worship let knew that someone was aware of just how special they truly were. Of course, this didn't get me laid because I'm ugly and have a monstrous personality.

But the Katy Perry story teaches us that there is sometimes a measure of justice in the cosmos. In large part because of her gorgeous jugs, Ms. Perry is now fabulously wealthy and powerful. She could easily gather her childhood tormentors together and have them sold into slavery. I wouldn't blame her if she did, and I doubt you would either. I have a famously smart readership.

No one under 18 should be reading this blog. If it were up to me, very few people under thirty-five would be here. But I know how sneaky, deceitful and undisciplined kids are, so I know they're lurking around somewhere.

To them I say this: Be careful of who you pick on. Unless, y'know, you want to be sold into slavery when you grow up.

Besides, if you make fun of girls like this, you're worse than Hitler.





Second .gif lovingly stolen from The International House of Currie