Monday, February 28, 2011
Jimmy Kimmel is Right! Fitness is Important!
Of course, some of you might be shocked by that revelation and concerned about my heath. No need. First, I can cure addiction by closing my eyes and using my mind. Second, I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. This allows me to expose people to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise gonna see in their boring, normal lives. No need to thank me.
Although I've never really written about it at any length, I'm very proud of my physique. I'm a gorgeous man and not only is my body my temple, it should be yours, too.
Sure, the tiger blood and the Adonis DNA have a lot to do with my beauty, but it does take some work and that work started in my childhood.
You see, I was a short, scrawny kid. If you saw the boy that I was, you'd never believe that I'd grow into the man that I am today. Then, when I was about seven, I was walking home from school and this guy in a van drove up beside me and asked about the football I was carrying. I said that I wasn't very good because of my size and that the other kids picked on me. The guy said that he could fix that and have me winning games in no time. Of course, I believed him. After all, he had a van and strangers in vans always tell the truth to kids, don't they?
Amazingly enough, what the guy in the van showed me was almost exactly what Jimmy Kimmel featured on his show last night.
I've long maintained that if something is good enough for me, it's good enough for Scarlett Johansson, Minka Kelly, Jessica Biel, Emily Blunt, Kelly Ripa, Sofia Vergara, Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, and my soul mate, Lindsay Lohan. Like me, they're all glorious to look at and they all came about it the same way, by humping. And now they're all hotties, too!
Having said that, while you can put down the Shakeweights, I wouldn't recommend it. Just look at what they've done for premier porn star April O'Neil. (Note: that link couldn't be more NSFW) Her body is even tighter than Lindsay's, although in fairness, her cocaine intake is unknown.
Yes, getting in shape is hard work. If it wasn't everyone wouldn't be such a useless tub of shit. But nobody's saying that it can't be fun. Sure, the first few times in the van, I cried just as much as Jessica Alba. But then I started seeing results and immediately felt better about myself. It was a miraculous transformation and it made me what I am today!
I just wonder if Jimmy Kimmel has a van.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The Battle of Madison and the GOP: Not What It Appears
Before I go any further, I should restate that I'm against the unionization of public employees. On the other hand, I'm also against snow and organized religion. The fact that I'm against all of these things doesn't necessarily mean that they're going anywhere, or that they even should.
If you've been paying attention to half-witted, duplicitous Republican politicians or the gutless and ignorant curs in the media, you would think that American deficits were mostly due to the existence of the state and federal workforces. All things being equal, it makes for a pretty good narrative. The only thing that gets in the way is that the facts don't bear it out.
I'm exhausted by writing this over and over again, but the fact is that the United States - and by extension, the individual states - have been spending far more than they take in for about fifty years now. Most of that spending has come in the form of program spending and unnecessarily large ideological cuts, although U.S foreign policy and the military needed to carry it out has played a part as well.
Unaffordable tax cuts are no different than social programs and various subsidies in that they are examples of politicians bribing people with their own money. Americans have never been good at austerity. Certainly, they won't engage in the kind of serious and deep program cuts that Canada carried out in the mid 1990s until it's too late. Nor will they do anything to prevent the banks from creating bubbles that wipe out the stock market two or three times a year.
To be fair, there's no real reason to make politically hard decisions when you can scapegoat groups that aren't very popular, and there are few groups as unpopular as public employee unions. If you do that, you can continue to cut taxes and fund the monstrously expensive program spending that everybody loves while appearing to actually address deficits. And in politics, appearances are the only things that matter.
Last night, I watched Bill O'Reilly engage in a debate so mystifyingly wrong that it was actually hypnotic. Ol' Bill built his argument around two points that either had nothing to do with anything or were just powerfully dumb.
First, he said that public employee benefits are bankrupting the states, so they had to be repealed mid-contract. To ensure that it never happens again, collective bargaining has to be crippled.
I'll concede that the benefits governments, particularly retirees receive is unsustainable. However, that's largely because the federal and state governments spent decades engaging in accounting that would send anyone to jail forever. The benefits that governments were granting their employees weren't a secret to anybody. But instead of actually funding those benefits, they continued cutting taxes, expanding program spending and subsidizing farmers, corporations and sports stadiums.
The federal government certainly didn't help when they "ended welfare as we know it" during the Clinton administration. Yes, the federal government ended Aid to Families with Dependent Children, but that didn't "end" welfare as much as it dumped it on the states. And if you're really interested, you'll notice that state budgets started going into the toilet in the late 90s.
What Bill O'Reilly, Scott Walker and pretty much everyone isn't telling you is that the real sinkhole in state budgets isn't public employees, but the public itself. Medicare and Medicaid are barely funded from year to year at the state level, let alone in the outlying years when the Boomers are fully retired. The reason that no one is telling you that is because Medicare and Medicaid are very popular among people that vote in high numbers.
O'Reilly's second argument was almost incomprehensible. He said that Governor Walker has no choice but to pass a hundred million dollar corporate tax cut because "businesses are going to 'right to work' states and that the cuts will create jobs."
In fact, one has nothing nothing to do with the other. Right to work states tend to have lower taxes than the rest of country, but they're also still losing jobs or not creating them as much as they should. Furthermore, cutting taxes in this economic climate will accomplish absolutely nothing because of the paucity of consumer demand.
The fact that interest rates are at nearly zero can properly be seen as the biggest tax cut imaginable, particularly in a country fuelled by consumer debt. If non-existent interest rates aren't creating jobs, there's no reason to believe that corporate tax cuts will. Indeed, all further tax cuts will do is widen existing deficits, just as the extension of the Bush tax cuts has federally.
Almost no one in the United States will admit that America actually does have a revenue problem, and that's equally true at the state level. Everybody loves the big-ticket spending of Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security and defense, which is why most mainstream politicians never address any of them in a serious way. They just want to keep benefiting from those programs without actually paying for them. This is happening in the states as well.
The Battle of Madison makes no sense from a budgetary perspective. But it makes much more sense as a political matter. You see, the Democratic party would cease to exist were it not for unions generally, and public employee unions in particular. Not only do they give a lot of money to Democrats, they also provide crucial "Get Out The Vote" coordination that is invaluable in close races.
Once you hobble the collective bargaining power of those unions, you also undercut the case for mandatory dues from members. Without membership dues, the union effectively disappears and poses no political threat or benefit to anyone. That's what this is really about and if you bribe any halfway smart Republican with enough whiskey and nude young boys, they'll tell you just that. The Battle of Madison isn't budgetary as much as it is blatantly political.
So why doesn't your average voter see this? Easy. The average voter, as I've long contended, isn't very bright.
The great Dan Carlin addressed this beautifully in the current episode of his podcast, Common Sense. Once upon a time, there was a trade-off between the public and private sectors. You'd make more money in the private sector, but if you worked for the government, you'd get great benefits and job security. That's changed somewhat, as we see with all of the rhetoric about public employees "making more" than people in the private sector.
The only problem is that it isn't exactly true. Because the United States has outsourced so much of its economy over the last thirty years, private wages - particularly for the middle class - have stagnated in the last decade. It isn't that public employees are making more, it's that private employees are making less. And tax policy is never going to change that. You can cut corporate taxes to zero and that still won't make American workers competitive with their cousins in India and China, who will consider themselves exceptionally well-off making less than a third of the average American.
And not only can you not significantly downsize government, the overwhelming majority of Americans aren't interested in doing any such thing. If they were, you'd see an honest debate about what's causing the budgetary imbalances in the first fucking place. While you can send your tech support jobs or heavy industry to Mumbai or Shanghai, you can't send your teachers, cops, fire fighters and the bureaucracies that support them there. Well, I guess you could, but the results would probably be less than ideal if you're a crime victim, on fire or illiterate.
But you have fun explaining that to an unemployed Allentown steelworker. Demagoguery is one of America's few remaining growth industries for a reason. I expect that Republicans like Scott Walker and John Kasich to prevail in the short-term, but they're just as likely to get their asses kicked in four years when absolutely nothing changes.
The only problem is that they'll be replaced with equally childish and dishonest assholes who won't address the real issue, which is the unrealistic expectations of the American people themselves. And don't think for a second that they Democrats are any better. They spend most of their time denying that there's a problem at all.
My friend, The Far East Cynic, also a wrote an interesting, if different piece on this subject.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Bree Olson and the Meaning of Life
Having said that, I'm not always the model of intellectual certitude that you might believe me to be. For example, I spent a quarter century believing that Charlie Sheen was an irredeemable fucking schmuck. A man wholly without merit and more worthy of scorn that a two million dollar a week paycheck. I was of the opinion that we all would be better as a species if Sheen was set alight.
And I was wrong, as the last several months clearly demonstrate. It turns out that Charlie might not only be the greatest man alive, but the greatest man to have ever walked among us. If Mr. Sheen isn't actually the Second Coming of Christ, then he's something even better.
Like Jesus, Charlie is beset with enemies and the possibility of betrayal is never far away, mostly in the person of Chuck Lorre, or as Sheen prefers to call him, Haim Levine. Some people feel that a man can't snort his own weight in blow and still be a productive citizen. Jesus was comforted by a whore and Charlie Sheen seemingly surrounds himself with a Gaddafi-like army of porno sluts. Obviously, Charlie is better than Christ. If you're still inclined to argue with me, I suggest that you read your fucking bible. Did Jesus ever cure alcoholism with his mind?
As I've noted before, there is no greater porn slut than Bree Olson. Bree is what all women should be: superhumanly beautiful, all natural, and open to having all three of her most precious inputs violated. It should surprise no one that she has accompanied Charlie, his most recent ex-wife and current girlfriend on a trip to Fantasy Island this week.
Ms. Olson has taken time out from her vacation in paradise to use Twitter to further demonstrate her natural superiority to the rest of humanity.
What's more painful than anal sex? Not getting to have any anal sex. Would someone come fuck me in the ass please?Look, I know that she isn't a doctor or anything, but Bree Olson is right! Not getting to have any anal sex is obviously more painful than anal sex. All the best women know that. Most impressively, she's polite! She said "please" and everything.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Mideast by Midwest
Having said that, it is great fun to watch. Glenn Beck in particular fills the hole left by the state of California's refusal to televise Charles Manson's future parole hearings. Manson and Beck are a lot alike if you listen to their theories and that makes for great TV.
There have been two major stories in the news over the last several weeks: the uprisings in the Middle East and north Africa and the concern about austerity measures in several states in the American Midwest, most notably Wisconsin. Because journalists are lazy and given to drink a lot, the 24 hour cable networks are equating the two, despite the fact that they couldn't be more different.
If you love weaponized stupidity as much as I do, watching Fox News and MSNBC over the last week or so has been an unmitigated joy. Both are running the constant comparisons between the unrelated protests that are occurring as much as ten time zones apart and it couldn't be more hilarious.
MSNBC frames the stories as ordinary citizens rising up against arrogant and hostile governments in a quest to save and improve their way of life. They see everyone involved as nothing less than Nelson Mandela. Fox, on the other hand, is spinning a paranoid fantasy of a growing conspiracy involving Ayman al-Zawahiri, Van Jones, Richard Trumka and the ghost of Leon Trotsky.
According to Glenn Beck and his cohorts, their ultimate objective is to establish either a one-world government, a caliphate, or a communist tyranny - despite the fact that no one but me seems to have noticed that those systems of government are all diametrically opposed to one another - that stretches from Islamabad to Madison. Because Brian Williams and the editorial board of the Washington Post hasn't told you about it, they're naturally a part of it.
Oh, and Beck wants you to know that he figured it out first. I'm always happy to accommodate Glenn.
Let me state this as clearly as I possibly can, okay? Wisconsin is not Egypt or Libya. How do I know this? Well, the fact that Anderson Cooper hasn't yet had his ass kicked by a Packers fan is as good a place to start as any. Yes, the state of Michigan voted yesterday to close half of Detroit's schools, but anyone that has spent any time at all in Detroit will tell you that it will hardly be transformative.
Look at Libya. I'm seeing pictures from there of people actually cut in half by what looks to be anti-aircraft guns (Note: Link highly graphic and not for the queasy. More here.) Because he so distrusts his own military and security services, Muammar Gaddafi has brought in foreign mercenaries to brutalize and murder his own people. Wisconsin, Ohio and Indiana are merely examples of Republicans not liking unions very much, which should hardly be considered news to anyone who has paid any attention to American politics in the last century.
The people of the Middle East and north Africa are overthrowing tyranny at a rather impressive rate, whereas their American cousins are merely beginning to face the consequences of fifty years of fiscal insanity, and rather badly at that. Other than the timing, the two developments couldn't be more unrelated.
But without false equivalence where would cable news be?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
"I can tell you fancy, I can tell you plain / You give something up for everything you gain"
For the better part of fifteen years now, Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has been something of an icon to me. Not being the religious sort, I've found that Silvio and his antics fill the place in my heart that Christ does for lesser men.
Of course, any modern gentleman and proper libertine strives always to keep his moral dissolution well out of the sight of the Goddamned Liberal Media, who are typically unsightly and not given to understanding the joy that loose women bring. Sure, you can allow rumours of your sexual superiority to slip into the popular ethos, knowing that the whispered homages to your virility will almost certainly translate into popular and political support. But you never want the facts out there, dig? Some things are just too special to share with a vapid and illiterate public. Unless, y'know, you have a blog.
Silvio managed to circumvent the more annoying practices of the Goddamned Liberal Media by actually owning it. Berlusconi owns all of Italy's private television networks and, as prime minister, controls the state channels. He has little in the way of newsprint holdings, which is fine, since only about 4% of Italians actually read the news. And those that do are swept away by his giving parliamentary seats and cabinet ministries to the hot chicks from his game shows.
The matters that aren't rectified by a monopolistic media empire are easily mitigated by the power of high government office. Italy has a stubbornly independent judiciary - which the prime minister has described as being "anthropologically different from the rest of the human race" - that takes great exception to any number of things. Let's say that you're accused of, I dunno, tax evasion, bribery and mafia ties. The enterprising man about town will simply pass a law giving himself immunity from prosecution while in office.
To be fair, Silvio has been rather restrained in his current mandate. He's kept his political and financial corruption to an absolute minimum. The only real problem he has is that he likes hookers. A lot. And most folks don't even see that as a problem, per se. The prime minister is 74 years old and whores have the magical ability to keep a man young. Mao Zedong knew it, Berlusconi knows it, and now you know it, too.
But there is a balance that needs to be observed. Underage whores should be avoided at all costs, especially when the law enforcement establishment knows that you're, as the late Hunter Thompson once put it, so crooked that you need servants to screw your pants on the morning. The resulting political and legal fallout from statutory rape can age a man rapidly, immediately reversing all of the good works that other prostitutes have done over the years.
This is of course compounded by personally intervening with local police to arrange the release of your busted sluts by saying that she's Hosni Mubarak's niece. That's not only abuse of power and obstruction of justice, but it's also something that can be pretty easily disproved. Not even having one of your MPs introduce legislation to lower the age of consent can fix that.
This seems like a tough fix to get out of, even for someone with Silvio's celebrated Houdini-like prowess. I'm not sure how he survives this, but this is Italy and stranger things happen there as a matter of routine.
But I do know this; Bill Clinton is out there somewhere and he can use a job! He doesn't have the flair of Silvio Berlusconi, but he will keep the bunga bunga alive. And at this point, that's all that really matters.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Holiday in Cambodia
Combine those things with runaway spending and endless debt and an increasingly incomprehensible foreign policy, and you very well may have a country in an irreversible downward spiral. That may sound ridiculous to some, but I would remind those people that no one saw the rapid disintegration of the world's other superpower coming the way it did.
There's no shortage of foreign nationals who insist on bitching on the United States' conduct, particularly as it relates to non-Americans, yet continue to visit and work there. If, for example, you don't want to be molested by the Transportation Security Administration, that can be easily avoided by not entering the United States. I haven't been there since the fall of 2004, have no immediate plans on returning, and I haven't been felt up by a single bureaucrat that I haven't invited to do so. A 100% success rate!
Besides, it's not as if the American government wants foreigners, particularly Canadians, to visit. In fact, it is going out its way to discourage it as much as possible.
I supported the 1988 Free Trade Agreement and NAFTA precisely because an economic union was supposed to facilitate the movement of people and goods across the world's longest undefended border, much as was the case with the European Union, which those agreements were a direct response to.
That turned out not to be the case. Even before 9/11, the U.S government has used the border and trade to get its way on issues ranging from softwood lumber, steel imports, pharmaceutical re importation and our domestic drug policy. Three years ago, hundreds of years of practice were reversed and a passport requirement was instituted for Canadians entering the United States (I always used my passport to travel there, but I wasn't obligated to and most Canadians didn't).
And now we're going to be taxed to travel there.
The Obama administration wants Canadians to pay to enter the United States to help ease that country's desperate financial crunch.None of this is happening in isolation, either. The Obama administration and the Harper government announced a couple of weeks ago that they are negotiating a North American border and security perimeter.
A proposed "passenger inspection" fee is outlined in the draft 2012 U.S. federal budget that has been sent to Congress. If adopted, the charge is expected to be levied against millions of commercial air and marine travellers from Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean, the only areas now exempt from the fee, and generate US$110-million annually. The fee would not apply to automobile traffic.
With about 16 million Canadians flying to the U.S. each year, a $5.50 head tax would raise almost US$90-million of the annual total and help pay for more beefed up U.S. border security.
(...)
"It's an indication that the United States is going to be looking to generate new monies to offset their budget deficit on outsiders who don't vote -- and that would be us," said Birgit Matthiesen, of the Canadian Manufacturers and Exporters, Canada's largest trade and industry association. "The raising of any fees on the Canada-U.S. border is troubling."
There was an interesting article in the Globe & Mail this past weekend about how the agreement would positively effect regulatory differences between the two countries. But it raises as many questions as it does answers. For example, whose regulations will be adopted? Who exactly do you appeal to if you disagree with the changes?
The same is true of things like immigration and citizenship policy, to say nothing of our criminal law. What about defence policy? Will Canadians be forced into a back door acceptance of the U.S missile defence shield that a duly elected government rejected? Something tells me that most Americans aren't going to adopt anything implemented by a Parliament unaccountable to them.
You don't have to like anything the Canadian government does. God knows, I profoundly disagree with almost everything it does. But that doesn't change the fact that it is at least accountable to us in ways that Washington can't be unless there's a political union.
What are were surrendering and what are we getting in return? This agreement is going to wind up destroying Canadian sovereignty in any number of ways. It can't help but do that, and even people that support it should acknowledge it. But is something as simple as crossing the border going to be any easier? The answer to that is emphatically no.
Entering the United States will remain considerably more difficult than it was before the Free Trade Agreement was signed in 1988, you'll be subjected to indefensible humiliations that border on sexual assault, and now you'll be charged six bucks for the privilege. And in five years, another group of American politicians are just going to say that this agreement doesn't mean what it actually says.
You could possibly make argument that the economic benefits of such an agreement outweigh the sacrifices we'll be forced to make, but that only proves that you haven't been paying attention. The last five administrations have been running America's economy like a banana republic and we're starting to see the consequences of that. More importantly, no one is prepared to even admit what's going to be necessary to avoid the abyss, let alone actually do it.
What country in their right mind divests itself of so much of its sovereignty to a declining power? If Canada sees lower revenues from North American trade, it isn't because of issues with the border. It's because the American government has spent the last decade making its money essentially worthless.
Sure, charge us the money. Why not? On the other hand, we can always holiday in Cambodia. Chances are that it won't be as frustrating.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Over At The Volunteer
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Notice
Saturday, February 12, 2011
When Crazy and Stupid Collide: Ruminations on Egypt
Since there are few things that amuse me more than insane people, I love watching Glenn Beck. And Mr. Beck has been in rare form since the protests that finally toppled Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak began 19 days ago.
It's a conspiracy, you see. It's a conspiracy to "end the western way of life in the Middle East", which is interesting insofar as the Middle East isn't a part of the West to begin with. The conspiracy is driven by Islamists, socialists, communists and community organizers. Oh, and I almost forgot, Google executives! On Wednesday, Glen played video of President Obama commenting that "young people have banded together to demand change", at which point the camera returns to Beck, who declares "Wasn't that your slogan, Mr. President?" So the president of the United States is complicit in the conspiracy to end the western way of life in a place that isn't the West.
I don't care if Beck's ratings drop to zero, I'm never going to stop watching because this is the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard. This is so balls-out crazy that even Bill O'Reilly isn't dumb enough to take it seriously. And O'Reilly is plenty dumb.
On the other hand, there are no shortage of columnists and bloggers who are with Beck, if not on the particulars, in saying that Egyptian democracy movement is a negative thing. That they were doing so at the very same time that they were embedding President Reagan's "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" speech on every flat surface they could find is one of the most ironically hilarious things I've ever seen.
Here's something that most of those folks don't understand. "Tear down this wall" was actually a pretty easy thing for Reagan to say. Since the liberation of eastern Europe and the end of communism had official American policy for forty years at that point, the speech required little, if any, actual courage.
What would have been courageous is if Reagan and his acolytes applied their love of liberty as equally to their friends as they did the communist governments of the world. None of those people had anything at all to say about two-legged monsters like Augusto Pinochet. They only supported the overthrow of a beast like Ferdinand Marcos when it became clear that it was going to happen with or without American approval.
Freedom loving Americans like Beck and O'Reilly - along with about 90% of the blogosphere - don't like to talk about the animals that they've taken to their collective bosoms since 1945. They don't mention that they remain shy about admitting their silence in the face of their Indonesian ally Suhato's genocide in East Timor, or that they engineered coups against democratically elected governments in Iran and Guatemala and sponsored the criminal governments they installed for decades. Nor do they acknowledge the plot to overthrow the democratically elected Salvador Allende, although there were no documented ties between the CIA and the successful coup that Pinochet headed.
Worse, when President Obama merely alludes to these things, those people accuse him of undermining America. What they don't understand is that U.S post-war policy essentially undermined itself, along with American credibility in large swaths of the world. More importantly, it created some of the challenges that it faces today. The great Dan Carlin did an hour-long Common Sense this week in which he said "When you support the Shah over Mossedegh, you get the Ayatollah." That's just as true as the U.S-Pakistani-Saudi-Chinese support for the anti-Soviet jihad creating the modern Taliban and al-Qaeda was.
I understand concepts like "national interest" and "foreign policy realism" better than most. However, I also understand how those things fly in the face of American rhetoric about democracy, liberty and national self-determination. That hypocrisy rightly enrages people like the protesters in Tahir Square and it's not hard to see how. People like Glenn Beck saw chaos and civil war in Iraq and called it democracy, while opposing the non-violent protests in Egypt.
I actually agree with Beck and O'Reilly when the say that Egyptian army's takeover of the government was the best possible outcome. That said, I hope that it remains in place longer than the September deadline for elections. If it doesn't, the odds of democracy flourishing in Egypt decrease to almost nothing.
Before it does anything else, Egypt needs to re-write large sections of its constitution before successful elections can be held. The 29 year state of emergency that was imposed after the assassination of Anwar Sadat will have be lifted. And the one thing that Egypt is going to need more than anything else is time. And six months isn't going to be enough time.
Democracy cannot be created in a vacuum and only rarely can it sprout up, fully formed overnight. When you criminalize political parties, only criminals will have political parties. Even if the Muslim Brotherhood is the most moderate, peace-loving faction on earth, they're the only group organized enough to be expected to stand for election right now. That's probably not going to change by September.
For liberty to succeed, Egyptians need a real choice when elections are held. That's going to take time and the army is uniquely positioned to do that. If they demonstrate that they'll tolerate free assembly - which they did this month - and open political organizing, I believe that the protesters won't hold them to the self-imposed six month limit on their rule. If they don't, Cairo is right back where it started and there could be a counter-coup, which definitely won't end well.
More than anything, the United States, the European Union and Israel need to shut up. If emerging Egyptian political movements start hearing outsiders opine on what they will and will not find "acceptable", it only stands to reason that those movements are going to campaign against the outsiders. The West and Israel can certainly help the Egyptian army create a democratic infrastructure, but it cannot be seen as taking sides.
This is an incredibly delicate time, particularly since it's possible that these protest movements might spread and topple other governments in the region. But we need to remember that the people of the Middle East are incredibly sensitive to foreign interference in their politics, having suffered it for well over a century now.
Having said that, while insane conspiracy theories broadcast on global television aren't especially helpful to that process, they're endlessly entertaining to watch.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Doug Ford is Movin' On Up
That's how long it took after Doug Ford's election to Toronto City Council for him to notice that greener pastures might await him. He was elected on October 25th and today is February 10th. And he was on vacation in Florida for some of that time.
To be fair, the mayor's "brain" and brother has announced that he's running for the provincial Progressive Conservatives, but has said that his arm is getting twisted "big time", presumably by Tim Hudak, and that he will "never say never" or rule out a provincial campaign as soon this October.
According to The Toronto Star, the Tories aren't as shy about discussing Doug's future, at least on background.
“He’s made no secret about the fact he’d like to run for us,” said one Tory, who would welcome him into the fold.Well, apparently not anymore. That tells me that Ford and the Hudak Tories are idiots. Why in the hell would anyone involved in this mess be talking to the Goddamned Liberal Media if the discussions "are only at the earliest stages"? Are these people actually trying to look stupid? Doug Ford isn't going to be able to do or say anything without getting relentlessly questioned about his political future until he makes a decision.
In fact, the successful businessman, who donates his city council salary to charity, has confided to associates that one day he would like to lead the Tories.
However, party sources, who stress he is close to Hudak and would never undermine the leader, said any discussions about a move from city hall to Queen’s Park are only at the earliest stages.
More importantly, Ford's constituents are going to be thrilled by this. It should be remembered that they only just elected the guy to represent him and now he's musing about abandoning ship. If he resigns his council seat to run provincially, the city is going to have to hold an election to replace him, which will cost a fortune. Or maybe Doug's is one of the seats that Hizzoner can eliminate. He has to run out of fucking siblings at some point, right?
The interesting question is how did this get in the press in the first place? The way I see it, there are three possibilities;
- Doug himself leaked it, which makes him a moron. This can't be anything but embarrassing to the mayor, who campaigned on not wasting money on things like unnecessary elections and has described his brother as virtually indispensable. his leaking the story without having made a decision makes no sense, even in the fabled history of the Ford family saying incomprehensible things.
- The Hudak people leaked it, which is even dumber than Doug doing it. Given the week that the provincial Tories have been having, I wouldn't be at all surprised by this. It also reinforces my belief that Tim Hudak's election as premier is close to a physical impossibility.
- The Queen's Park Grits found out about it and leaked it. That tells me that Ford, Hudak or both are incapable of keeping a friggin' secret and should be thrown right of politics.
If nothing else, it turns out that Doug's pledge to donate his municipal salary to charity isn't the financial hit we thought it was.
And I can't wait to see how conservative bloggers and media types, particularly at The Toronto Sun, who have a long history of bitching about City Hall being used as a springboard by NDP types respond to this story. Wanna bet they'll equivocate or otherwise lie?
A Home Away From Home
So I got to thinking, "Why put it up here?" When I couldn't answer that question, I submitted it to the great Mike Brock to see if it would be suitable for The Volunteer. As it happens, it was and I couldn't be more pleased by that. You can read my first post there now.
Other than for a very brief time nearly a decade ago, I've never participated in a group blog before and the idea actually makes me really nervous. That's doubly true with the serious and gifted folks at The Volunteer. I respect and admire everyone there and I'm honoured to make any small contribution I can.
You might notice some stylistic differences in my posts over there, not because of any restrictions placed on me, but because I want to try to branch out and see if I can do this without making constant dick jokes or references to forcible drowning. I've been talking about it for a couple of years now and it's time to give it a try.
Let's see what happens, shall we?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Innocent!
Okay, I know. This is supposed to be a serious topic that should be addressed in a serious way. Just 35 days after leaving court-ordered rehab, Lindsay Lohan was in court to be formally charged with felony grand larceny. If convicted, she could be sentenced to three years in the state penitentiary. It's hard to get more serious than that.
And Lindsay wants the court to know just how seriously she's taking these charges. In her previous appearances, she always wore pantsuits or something like them. Sure, they were always accentuated with a low cut top, but it was perfectly acceptable misdemeanor wear.
Now, as she faces the fight of her young life, Miss Lohan is breaking out the big, uh, guns. She's not taking this lightly and frankly, neither am I.
If the rest of her wardrobe is this impressive, I predict an acquittal. And flowers from the judge. After all, white is the color of innocence, even after Labor Day. And if your outfit leads observers to question whether you're wearing underwear, you're doubly innocent.
Picture and video stolen from What Would Tyler Durden Do, but not in a felonious way.
The Unlikely Majority
For entirely too long I've been hearing from Conservatives that things will be different when Harper gets his majority. I believe that's unlikely, since winning a majority in the first place would be wholly reliant on winning swing ridings that are unsure of Harper and his agenda. He'll want to keep those ridings on his side and a dramatic departure from his current governing style. There's point in winning a majority if he can't keep it.
And that assumes that a majority is in the cards at all. Gerry Nicholls suggests that it is. I disagree.
As Nicholls concedes, the Tories have blown big leads in three consecutive elections. This has been due to two separate, but equally important factors. Western Tory candidates tend to say industrial strength stupid things about social issues, like gay marriage and abortion, which scares Ontarians off of voting for the Conservatives. This is what happened in 2004. In 2008, Harper introduced a initiatives on arts funding and criminal justice reform that were geared for national conservatives. What he didn't count on was the potential support that it cost him in Quebec.
The Conservatives ran an impressive campaign in 2005-06, but they didn't win it as much as the Martin Liberals lost. Between the lingering stench of the Sponsorship Scandal and Paul Martin's erratic performance in the debates, it was hard to imagine the Grits maintaining their minority.
Having said that, if the Tories couldn't win a majority in the face of Adscam and a dreadful Martin performance, it's hard to imagine that they will now. They couldn't decisively beat Stephane Dion, who is a good and honourable man, but perhaps the most inept party leader in Canadian history.
Much of the majority projection at Making Sense with Nicholls rests on the idea that the Liberals will simply lose. While that's likely, given their leadership and fundraising, it's hardly an electoral strategy for the Conservatives. While Harper has kept Michael Ignatieff's negatives high with regular ad buys, it's unlikely that Ignatieff would be as poor a campaigner as Dion was, and Dion held the Harper to a minority in '08.
There is the incessant Liberal leadership in-fighting that should be considered, but I wouldn't bet an election on the premise that it will significantly handicap them in a campaign. Ideally, you build a strategy on how you're going to win, not over how the other guy is going to lose.
There's also the issue of where the Conservatives are going to pick up seats, as the Globe and Mail illustrates this morning. Harper faces a less than ideal map to hold onto everything he currently has and pick up another 12 seats. The Harper Tories have always done well in polling when it looks as though an election is imminent. But when the writ is finally dropped, they return to earth well before any ballots are actually cast.
Most importantly, the Prime Minister has introduced a complicating issue with the proposed North American security perimeter. Since the NASP could (and probably will) adversely impact the integrity of Canada's sovereign laws, the Conservatives shouldn't count on it being an issue in any campaign in the next few years, it should be seen as the issue.
Yes, NASP could be sold as a trade and jobs agreement, but it remains to seen how well that would stand up in the face of concerns of having our criminal, immigration and other laws overruled by politicians and bureaucrats in Washington that weren't elected by a single Canadian citizen. If the Liberals were crazy enough to forgo that as a wedge issue, they may as well dissolve their party and buy Conservative membership cards.
I've written at some length about my belief that the Liberal Party of Canada is eventually going to disappear, which is something that Stephen Harper would very much like to see. But that's a goal that's years or decades away. What I think is going to be Harper's last election is almost certain to occur in the next 18 months.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Further Evidence That Children are Stupid
As I've said before, kids are short, smelly and ignorant. They can't hold their liquor, pay off a bet, smoke properly, and god help everybody if you try to tell the little bastards a dirty joke. Adults are way better than children in every imaginable way. I honestly can't blame parents for forgetting their names sometimes.
Worse, the degenerate pricks are just cruel. In a lot ways, they're worse than the godamned Nazis. Ask any reasonably interesting person, and you'll hear endless stories of the viciousness their peers subjected them to in their youth. If nothing else, the Germans didn't let you linger, nor did they take any particular joy out of your suffering.
Don't believe me? Ask Katy Perry.
Katy Perry longed for smaller breasts when she was a teenager - because cruel classmates taunted her for her busty figure.You know, if that's not a crime against humanity, I just don't know what is.
The I Kissed a Girl hitmaker admits she hated her "enormous" chest when she was young and dreamed of having a stick-thin physique like supermodel Kate Moss.
She even resorted to wearing minimiser bras in a bid to reduce her appearance - but now insists she's happy with her cup size because her curves "come in handy".
Perry tells Elle magazine, "When I was a kid... I had enormous boobs that I didn't know what to do with. I wore minimisers, which were not cute. Those thick-a** straps! I got made fun of for the over-the-shoulder boulder holder... All I wanted was to look like Kate Moss. Little did I know... that these things would come in handy someday."
In my younger years, I knew girls with bountiful chests and I witnessed the ridicule that they endured. I never participated, mostly because I was smarter than most other kids. Instead, I revered those girls, knowing how golden they would someday be. My unrelenting worship let knew that someone was aware of just how special they truly were. Of course, this didn't get me laid because I'm ugly and have a monstrous personality.
But the Katy Perry story teaches us that there is sometimes a measure of justice in the cosmos. In large part because of her gorgeous jugs, Ms. Perry is now fabulously wealthy and powerful. She could easily gather her childhood tormentors together and have them sold into slavery. I wouldn't blame her if she did, and I doubt you would either. I have a famously smart readership.
No one under 18 should be reading this blog. If it were up to me, very few people under thirty-five would be here. But I know how sneaky, deceitful and undisciplined kids are, so I know they're lurking around somewhere.
To them I say this: Be careful of who you pick on. Unless, y'know, you want to be sold into slavery when you grow up.
Besides, if you make fun of girls like this, you're worse than Hitler.
Second .gif lovingly stolen from The International House of Currie
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Iran and Egypt, Carter and Obama: The Ascendence of Stupidity
So let's look at history and put some current events in context, shall we? Then we can all laugh at how friggin' dumb most Republican politicians, commentators, disc jockeys and bloggers are. I promise, it'll be fun!
On January 16, 1979, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, the last Shah of Iran fled his kingdom and his government was replaced by the theocracy of Ayatollah Ruhollah Khmomeini. The protests that finally toppled the Shah had been underway for a year and had been building for nearly a decade before that.
Pahlavi was a strange man, politically speaking. On one hand, he was a brutal autocrat that routinely tortured and murdered his own people. On the other, he was possibly the most progressive force in the Modern Middle East. He was far most Western and modern than suited the tastes of his people, which was a contributing factor to his overthrow. His brutality fed the vengeance with which it was it was carried out.
But the Shah was America's man. In fact, the CIA and Britain's MI6 toppled the democratically elected Mohammad Mossadegh in 1953 to give Pahlavi supreme power. You see, Mossadegh wanted to nationalize the Ango-Iranian Oil Company, which you now know fondly as BP, and this somehow became the problem of the United States. When the Shah was formally reestablished on the Peacock Throne, the CIA - with the help of the Israeli Mossad - funded and trained Iran's vicious secret police, SAVAK, which proceeded to terrorize the Iranian people for the next quarter-century.
Because the Shah was America's man, he was President Jimmy Carter's problem. Though they've never said how he would do it, Republican politicians and commentators continue to blame Carter for not preventing the Iranian Revolution. And when the Pahlavi went into exile, Carter was blamed for abandoning an ally. However, when Carter admitted the terminally ill Shah to the United States that October for treatment - an act which precipitated the hostage crisis - Carter was blamed for that.
The thing that's important to remember here isn't whether the Republican Party wasn't as responsible for the chaos in Iran as any Democrat or that the GOP wasn't bursting with ideas about how to prevent anything that occurred. No, the important thing to remember is that it worked. Jimmy Carter was tagged as an ineffective weakling and it stuck. That there was really nothing that the Carter Administration could have practically done is immaterial.
If you're so inclined, you can make an equally compelling case for the weakness of Carter's successor, Ronald Reagan. Reagan sent the Marines to Lebanon as part of a peacekeeping force following the 1982 Israeli invasion. Then Reagan directed them to take sides in the Lebanese civil war, which isn't something peacekeepers usually do. Unsurprisingly, Hezbollah attacked the Marine barracks on October 23, 1983 and killed 241 Americans. It was the single largest death toll the American military suffered in a single day since the Tet Offensive fifteen years before.
President Reagan's response was to evacuate from Lebanon, which many have suggested was the single most important "green light" given to anti-American terrorists. And it didn't stop there. The Reagan Administration reacted to the subsequent hostage taking in Lebanon by putting into motion the Iran-Contra Affair, almost every aspect of which constituted an impeachable offense.
Reagan famously said that he wouldn't negotiate with terrorists. And he didn't. He sent heavy weapons to the Iranian sponsors of the hostage takers without negotiating, and the results were predictable. Doing so without signing a presidential finding or notifying Congress was a direct violation of the National Security Act of 1947 and it should have cost Reagan his presidency. In many important ways, this was significantly worse than Watergate in that it directly and adversely impacted the foreign affairs of the United States in a manner contrary to law.
You'll note that I didn't even have to address the "Contra" side of the Iran-Contra affair to tell that story. This is because I'm 32 flavours of amazing!
Weakness is in the eye of the beholder, and what that eye sees is determined mostly by the spinning of political hacks. Because Republicans are good at delivering a unified message, Carter was forever painted as weak in the face of something that he couldn't really do anything about. Because Democrats can't agree on what time it is, let alone anything else, Reagan got away with running away from terrorism and arming a rogue state without accomplishing anything for having done it. Funny how that works, isn't it?
I only bring this up because we're seeing the same thing happening to President Obama in the face of the ongoing Egyptian uprising.
What's happening in Cairo and Alexandria is the direct consequence of U.S foreign policy in the region that began long before Obama was even born. Does anyone believe that Hosni Mubarak would have lasted in office for 30 years unless he was seen as America's man in the region? I don't. Without the tens of billions of dollars in U.S foreign and military aid that Mubarak has received, it's unlikely that he would have survived six months following the assassination of Anwar Sadat.
Going back to the '53 coup against Mossadegh, the United States has propped up strong men in the region and looked the other way as they murdered anything the resembled democratic opposition. Fortunately for those strong men, democratic opposition is fairly easy to liquidate. Unfortunately for the rest of us, that only leaves a highly organized radical opposition to take over when history runs its course.
For the last week and a half, I've been listening to Republicans and their ilk - mostly on Fox News and in the blogosphere - bemoan Obama's "weak foreign policy" and how this is "costing" America Egypt. Amazingly few people are asking retards like Sarah Palin what Obama should be doing, or better still, what they would be doing if they were in his place. Instead, we just hear more empty-headed nonsense about Reagan and freedom, none of which is especially helpful or even true.
I don't happen to think that the Muslim Brotherhood is as radical as some observers do. Any group that's regularly denounced by the likes of Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri has to have something to recommend it. I'll grant you that they aren't pro-American, pro-Western or friends of Israel, but that's quite a bit different than being al-Qaeda, Hamas or Hezbollah.
However, I could be wrong. It's been known to happen from time to time. But what these same Republicans either dishonestly or ignorantly aren't acknowledging is that it was their very "freedom agenda" that put Hamas in Hezbollah in the offices they occupy today. The only way that Barack Obama is going to "save" Egypt is for the United States to install a more genteel version of Mubarak against the wishes of the Egyptian people, and I'm not sure that's possible.
There are plenty of good and honest reasons to hate Jimmy Carter and oppose Barack Obama. And you know what? It would be a really good idea if everybody started focusing on them rather than inventing a narrative in Cairo or rewriting history in Tehran.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Ruminations With Rummy
In the years after annoyances like Bosnia and Kosovo, it was hard to disagree. Between the end of the Vietnam War in 1973 and the October 2001 invasion of Afghanistan, there were probably more American ground troops killed by "friendly fire" than there were by hostile action. That was particularly true in Grenada and Panama, which were actions so comical that they should hardly be described as wars.
Moreover, the United States hadn't fought a significant ground war in over thirty years at that point. Even the 1991 Gulf War, which involved 500,000 troops, was mostly an air war that involved five weeks of extensive bombing. The ground operations, which lasted a mere 100 hours, was mostly an exercise in mopping up and disarming retreating Iraqi personnel.
What Secretary Rumsfeld proposed was what became known as a "light footprint". Under this theory of war, the United States would go in, defeat a defined enemy and withdrawal. It explicitly rejected occupation and nation building, leaving such things to the organizations such as the United Nations.
It was under Rumsfeld's "light footprint" theory that the Weinberger - Powell Doctrine was abandoned by the United States. That doctrine simply stated that war is undesirable and should only be pursed as a last resort and with such overwhelming force that operations are ended quickly and successfully. You'll notice that the Reagan and first Bush administrations very rarely resorted to military force, which couldn't be said of Presidents Clinton and Bush 43.
If "Transforming the Military" had been published in the spring of 2001, as opposed to a year later, it would have been a perfectly acceptable premise. It would have massively reduced the expense, redundancy and waste of the American way of war. Prior to 9/11, the United States usually confronted small state actors, with a military and infrastructure that could be liquidated easily with high-tech air power.
That stopped being true in Afghanistan and Iraq. Instead the United States began warring with large insurgencies as it engaged in nation building exercises. As we have seen, that requires a significant footprint, much larger than the one America placed in either country.
Air power is almost counterproductive in battling an insurgency, as the U.S should have learned in Vietnam. Bombing insurgencies almost always has the effect of killing civilians, which tends to grow the insurgency. People, it has been said, react badly to having their friends and families killed by foreigners.
But Rumsfeld refused to abandon the light footprint doctrine, even as evidence abounded in Iraq that it was a deadly failure. It was only after his resignation in December 2006 that the much ballyhooed "surge" (which I have other problems with) was implemented. That failure is something that Donald Rumsfeld should wear to his grave.
Of course, he won't do that willingly or easily. He has now resorted to the oldest tool in politics, the self-justifying memoir. In the soon-to be published Known and Unknown, Secretary Rumsfeld refuses to accept responsibility for anything.
His biggest mistake, Mr. Rumsfeld writes, was in not forcing Mr. Bush to accept his offers to resign after the abuse of Iraqi detainees by American military jailers came to light in early 2004. Mr. Rumsfeld insists that the abuses were the actions of rogue soldiers and that they did not reflect any approved policies, but nevertheless he offered to step down.Poor Rummy! Abu Ghraib wasn't his fault, you see, even though he's ultimately responsible for the conduct of the armed forces, particularly overseas, but he offered to fall on his sword anyway.
“Abu Ghraib and its follow-on effects, including the continued drum-beat of ‘torture’ maintained by partisan critics of the war and the president, became a damaging distraction,” Mr. Rumsfeld writes. “More than anything else I have failed to do, and even amid my pride in the many important things we did accomplish, I regret that I did not leave at that point.”
By the way, the outrage over Abu Ghraib went far beyond the "partisan critics of the war and the president." It was almost universal in the international community. Even the senior uniform military now admit that it set back America's reputation in the Muslim world back by years. Moreover, it further fuelled the insurgency and gained for it important public support.
But now we get to the granddaddy of all half-truths.
Mr. Rumsfeld denies that he ever rejected requests from his commanders for more troops to invade Iraq. In hindsight, he concedes that additional forces might have prevented the post-invasion looting in Baghdad, which preceded the far more dangerous and deadly insurgency.To understand exactly what happened, you need to understand Rumsfeld's reputation going back to his days in the Ford Administration.
While some military officers complained privately of not having sufficient forces, and some of those anonymous comments ended up in news reports, Mr. Rumsfeld writes that he never received a formal request from commanders for an increase in forces for the 2003 invasion, although he did sign orders for an increase of 20,000 troops for the January 2005 elections.
As Chief of Staff and Secretary of Defense under Gerald Ford, Rumsfeld was known as one of the greatest bureaucratic infighters in Washington's storied history. Henry Kissinger, himself not noted for his modesty, once said that Rumsfeld was "the only person I ever lost a turf battle to."
When it became clear that Nelson Rockefeller couldn't survive as Ford's vice-president, Don had managed to convince himself that he should be nominated in 1976, which would position him perfectly for the presidential nomination in 1980. Rumsfeld saw as his chief competitor one George Herbert Walker Bush, who was then Gerald Ford's envoy to China. Rummy convinced Ford to name Bush Director of Central Intelligence, which politically neutralized him, and to have himself made Secretary of Defense for the first time. Almost no one is better at palace politics than Don Rumsfeld as Bob Hartmann's incredible and aptly-named book Palace Politics made clear.
Rumsfeld brought those skills with him when he returned to the Pentagon in 2001. When he says that he never "rejected requests from his commanders for more troops", he's technically not lying. This is because the secretary had created a climate among the senior uniform military where they knew not to ask in the first place. As Cobra II: The Inside Story of the Invasion and Occupation of Iraq lays out, Rumsfeld cut division and brigade sizes for the invasion as they were being proposed, further making clear that the issue was not up for debate. Rummy couldn't then refuse troops requests because he made sure that they would never be made in the first place.
That no flag officer resigned in protest over what they had to know was a debacle in the making speaks ill of them as a class, but the responsibility ultimately belongs with Mr. Rumsfeld and President Bush.
While describing Mr. Bush as “a far more formidable president than his popular image,” Mr. Rumsfeld, who spent time as a corporate chief executive, reveals his frustration with the president’s management style. Meetings of the National Security Council, even with Mr. Bush presiding, he said, too often ended without precise objectives for the way ahead or decisions on how to proceed to reach those goals.This is score-settling at it's finest. It's also misleading to the point of being fantasy. It has been reported that Rumsfeld refused to attend NSC meetings chaired by Rice and wouldn't share documents with her, saying that he served the president directly in the chain of command. Bob Woodward also revealed in The War Within: A Secret White House History, 2006-2008 that, as Powell's successor at the State Department, Rice was instrumental in Rumsfeld's eventual firing after the '06 elections.
He faults in part Condoleezza Rice, the national security adviser. Colin L. Powell, who served as secretary of state, and his top subordinates are criticized for interagency feuding.
As for Colin Powell, he knew more about the military and its requirements than did Rumsfeld and he was far more conservative about how military power should be applied, as his tenure in the Reagan,Bush 41 and early Clinton administrations show.
Historically, there was very little in the way of "interagency feuding" in the Bush White House. this is because Rumsfeld's pupil from the Nixon and Ford years, Dick Cheney, was the most influential vice president in American history. If there was a conflict with Rice or Powell, Rumsfeld went to Cheney, who persuaded Bush to give DOD whatever it wanted. That happened repeatedly and it was only reversed after Cheney was marginalized somewhat during Bush's second term. Unfortunately, Iraq was an unmitigated disaster by then, Afghanistan was headed in the same direction and Bush was politically ruined to the point of near irrelevance.
Don't get me wrong, Known and Uknown is probably going to be a fascinating book and I have every intention of reading it. But understanding some recent history is important if you intend to actually learn anything from it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
More People Shouldn't Vote
For example, if you thought that Stephen Harper was going to govern as a conservative, you just didn't pay attention to his campaign or thought that he was consciously lying. There's just no two ways about that.
Let's look the issues that got him the most attention five years ago. He promised that he was going to cut the national value added tax - the most ineffective tax cut imaginable if you plan on it accomplishing anything other than getting yourself elected - by two percent and giving money away for babysitters and sports equipment. Not only is that not conservative, it was Harper's way of telegraphing that he was going to put us back into deficit spending. It's important to remember that the Tories blew through the $13 billion surplus that he inherited from the Liberals by the time the financial meltdown hit us.
The only thing that he did lie about was his promise not to tax income trusts. That lie cost people a shitload of money, but the Conservatives paid no political price whatsoever for it. I guess his unconstitutional fixed elections date law could qualify as a lie, but I consider it more of a clever trick that fooled dumb people. Parliament, you see, cannot restrict the constitutional prerogative of the Governor General without amending the Constitution, and the Governor General is the person empowered to dissolve Parliament and call elections. But when Prime Minister Harper violated his own law, he won increased seats. That's not an indication of public cynicism as it is public stupidity.
That's what makes studies like this one a titanic waste of money that we really don't have.
Elections Canada is commissioning a major new national survey as it searches for new ways to encourage disengaged young Canadians to vote.I think I've said this before, but I don't think that not enough people voting is a problem as much as that too many people are. Let me rephrase that. Too many people that don't have any idea what they're voting for or against are lining up at the polls.
With an estimated cost between $100,000 and $250,000, the project will survey 2,500 people between the ages of 18 and 34 who are disabled, unemployed or aboriginal, live in rural areas, or speak neither English nor French as a first language.
It’s all part of a “youth research action plan” Elections Canada hopes will help it reach out to a segment of the population that’s increasingly tuning out electoral politics.
Only 37.4 per cent of voters ages 18 to 24 cast ballots in the 2008 federal election. Turnout by young voters has been dropping steadily since the 1960s, when about seven in 10 of those eligible to vote for the first time went to the polls.
The drop-off in youth participation is largely responsible for the overall decline in Canadian voter turnout over the past two decades. Just 58.8 per cent of eligible voters cast ballots in 2008 — a record low.
One of the most annoying platitudes that's never going to go away is that folks have a "responsibility" to vote, which isn't true. People have the right to vote, but the responsibility to know what they're actually doing. Too many people exercise the right but ignore the responsibility.
I've talked to a few people in my life who refused to vote because, as they put it, they weren't interested and knew absolutely nothing about the issues. I have endless respect for those people. They couldn't be more responsible than people who vote because they think that should or cast ballots for parties just because their families or ethnic communities always voted that way.
Another truism that drives me up a fucking wall is "the people are always right." No, the people are often selfish, stupid and bigoted assholes. The worst shit in human history - like slavery, the Nuremberg laws and supply-side economics - usually had broad popular support. Until they didn't. But voters never take responsibility for the ugly nonsense that they previously were for. No, they turn their backs on something, at which point it becomes the government's fault.
Elections Canada identified youth engagement as a key priority in its 2008-13 strategic plan. It commissioned other youth surveys after the 2008 election that are nearing completion and will be published in the next month or two.You've gotta be shitting me! If I've ever heard a clearly and cleverly articulated reason for getting the government out of politics, that's it. Elections Canada actually believes that if kids aren't listening to them, they might listen to Panic! At The Disco or fucking Twitter. The scary thing is that they probably aren't wrong.
“It’s an ongoing process to try to understand what is making that group tick and how we can reach them better with our communications,” Enright says.
Among other things, the new survey will try to identify barriers to participation and determine the values, attitudes and behavioural factors linked to voting or non-voting.
It also hopes to identify what Elections Canada calls “possible interveners” —musicians, activists, social media sites — that young Canadians are listening to, then use those channels to deliver its message.
“If they’re telling us that they’re not hearing us,” Enright says, “who are they hearing? Is it best to reach them through some sort of social media? Or is it best to continue to put our efforts and our moneys into traditional advertising campaigns?”
Yeah, they might get some more no-nothing hipster jerk-offs to the polls, but what does that actually accomplish? You've created a new audience for twisted spin doctors to write sleazy political ads for. In the end, you create less accountability for a government by, for and of the fucking lobbyist swine, not more. It's famously difficult to hold government accountable if you weren't paying attention to it in the first place.
Look, I get that useless beauracrats like those at Elections Canada have an interest in justifying their existence. I just wish that they'd do so in less damaging ways. More importantly, they should stick with with they're good at. For example, they've had a few really hot girls at my polling place in the last few elections. They should get more of them instead of caring why, how or if they vote.
If they're determined to continue the destruction of our democracy with wildly unchecked ignorance, they at least owe me the courtesy of giving me some masturbation material while they do it. Few people need the distraction more than I do.
Link lovingly stolen from Gerry Nicholls.
Halle Berry's Going to Win!
But she just can't keep a man. In the last decade or so, she's been married twice and had a kid with a third dude. None of those relationships lasted long or ended well. At some point people are going to start noticing that the only thing that those relationships have in common is Halle herself.
Anyhow, she hooked up with Gabriel Aubry - a man almost as pretty as she is - and they had a daughter. Proving that she's a supernatural gift from the stars, childbirth shockingly made Ms. Berry's body even more pleasing to look at. Then they broke up. But don't worry, it was an amicable split.
Until it wasn't. You see, Halle took exception to the father of her children doing eminently sensible things, like fucking Kim Kardashian, and she got all uptight about it. Apparently, you can never please some women. So she decided that she was going to fight to change their custody agreement.
For the life of me, I don't know why men even bother with child custody battles. Unless the broad you impregnated is Patricia Krenwinkel your chances of winning are exactly zero. Let's say that my soul mate Lindsay Lohan and I procreated and the shit didn't work out. Despite her stunningly sexy criminal history and superior ability to hit babies with her car, she'd get the kid. The fact that whiskey and orgies have been demonstrably character-building for me would matter not at all. This is because the modern courts are jammed full of atavistic assholes who despise self-improvement and curse everything that love is supposed to be about.
Now Halle's PR people are levelling accusations that Gabriel regularly hurled racial epithets at her, which seems awfully unusual for a French Canadian. They're celebrated far and wide for their embrace of diversity. For example, everybody knows that white French Canadians that support sovereignty get along just fine with white French Canadians that don't support sovereignty. How much pluralistic do you expect them to be, for Christ's sake?
More importantly, it's just unnecessary and tawdry. Even if she wasn't the most physically perfect person in human history, Halle Berry would still win this case by virtue of being a broad. Being that she's Halle, she can walk into court wearing a low-cut top and not only will the judge give her baby Nahla, but two or three of his own kids as well.
In the end, nobody is going to think of the tragedy that befalls Gabriel. Sure, he'll still be dreamy and everything, but he'll be denied an important colour in the poontang rainbow, maybe forever. And for what? Just so an Academy Award winner can keep a kid that she was never in any real danger of losing anyway?
This is appalling behaviour and I just don't think that I could forgive it in anyone that wasn't so pretty.
Update: The plot thickens, not that it matters because Halle Berry's so hot.