A Plumber's Look into the Face of Evil

You know that American celebrity culture is completely out of control when a fucking plumber that got mouthy with a presidential candidate gets a book deal. Granted, Joe "the Plumber" Wurzlebacher was notable for not being named Joe or actually being a plumber, so that might explain it.

Because he was a mouthy plumber who wasn't actually a plumber, America fell in love with the dopey bastard and he was hired by a couple of blogs run by morons with money. Chief among them, Andrew Brietbart, who doesn't find anyone too stupid or morally repulsive to keep off of his payroll. Brietbart is, after all, the guy who brought us James O'Keefe.

As it happens, Joe discovered Jeffery Dahmer from a six year old episode of Dateline NBC recently, which would indicate to me that he watches the dreaded MSNBC on the weekends. Joe seemed impressed with what the late Mr. Dahlmer had to say. To be fair, young Jefferey was what can be best described as a worldly fellow, what with his rape, murder and cannibalization of Cambodian teenagers and all.

Our plumbing pal was moved to write about the experience and share the insights that made him famous with the rest of us on Brietbart's Big Government blog this morning. And I feel moved to share them with you. Feel lucky yet?

One part stood out;

Stone Philips asked the obvious questions probing Dahmer’s father and mother as to why Jeffrey committed these horrific acts. He asked if there were any signs, indications, events in Jeffrey’s life that would give us a clue as to how this monster was created. Was Jeffrey molested as a child? Did the screaming in the doomed marriage cause this behavior? The parents came up empty. They didn’t see any signs; they didn’t know of any catastrophic events. Jeffrey wasn’t abnormal or deviant by anything they saw. And if they had seen something, they would have hoped they would have reacted appropriately.

Then Stone asked Jeffrey the same question. Why? What caused you to do these things? Candidly, Jeffrey simply answers that he was Godless.

Shocking isn’t it? Jeffrey explains that up until he was caught and put into prison he had been told that he was primordial ooze, a product of evolution. After being convicted, his father sent him some information explaining that God created the world and the people in it. At some point, Jeffrey realized that he had to answer to a higher being. He logically understood that primordial ooze doesn’t have to answer to anyone or anything; a created human being MUST answer to his Creator.

Good for Dahmer. Kudos for seeing the most basic answer to societies woes that are most “brilliant” scientists and educators refuse to see. Whether he really believed his words or not, he spoke truth.

Yeah, good for Dahmer! Let's overlook for a moment that he had no business being in prison in the first place, being batshit fucking crazy and all. Jeffery Dahlmer met virtually every possible definition for being a bouncing-of-the-walls chronic psychopath and probably should have been locked away in a rubber room somewhere forever. The guy was a certifiable lunatic, but pointing that out only gets in the way of Joe's story.

You see, Joe the Plumber titled his article "How To Use Evil To Promote Your Agenda", which is precisely what Wurzlebacher does. Joe actually seems to believe Dahmer's assertion that if he had just a little more Jesus in his life, he wouldn't have eaten those Cambodian teenagers. I would suggest that this is a dubious proposition in that there is no legal, factual, medical or psychiatric evidence to support it. As I've said before, crazy people do weird shit sometimes, theological posturing aside.

I'm hardly a great proponent of organized religion, but I would suggest that Christianity has better models of behavior than some dude from Milwaukee who ate Cambodian teenagers. Dahmer hardly seems that the sort that I would put on my recruitment posters were I a more god-fearing fellow. Besides, as Dennis Miller said when he was still funny, "Nobody finds Jesus on prom night. It's only when you fuck up so badly here that nobody else will talk to you that you find Him."

Mr. Wurzlebacher does however display either profound ignorance or the coolest sense of irony when he says that "He logically understood that primordial ooze doesn’t have to answer to anyone or anything; a created human being MUST answer to his Creator." This is because Dahmer, in a weird way, did answer to his creator. Dahlmer was beaten to death in 1994 by Christopher Scarver, who belived that he was Christ on account of the first six letters of his name. Jeff's conversion seems to have bought him little in the way of redemption, to say nothing of protection.

Of course, Joe's just warming up at this point. He has a larger point in the twisted tale of Jeffery Dahmer that he thinks the rest of us might have missed.

If that were the end of the story, we could walk away with some important lessons. But, unfortunately, it’s not. You see, Stone Philips apparently didn’t believe Dahmer’s answer. He just couldn’t manage to take Dahmer’s answer at face value. Stone continued to probe into his parents, his classes, his life in general – ANYTHING but God – to explain why Dahmer did the heinous things he did.

But Dahmer stood his ground and said his parents were not to blame. His circumstances were not to blame. His father’s dreams and fantasies were not to blame. (Yes, they even tried that one.) He, Jeffrey Dahmer, took full responsibility for making the decision to mutilate his fellow man. And one day he will answer for his crimes to the One that created him and whose expectations for his life he cruelly violated.

So the real moral of this story is:

Citizen beware. The media actively and purposefully nurtures irresponsibility and the blame game very quietly and insidiously. They can’t even stomach the thought of an evil man like Dahmer taking responsibility for himself and admitting his responsibility to his maker.

Wow. Let me just state for the record that I'm not aware of Stone Philips ever having eaten a Cambodian teenager. Not one. You'd be surprised how often I use that as a yardstick by which I judge someone's credibility. Really, you would.

It says a fair bit about Joe the Plumber that he would call his article "How To Use Evil To Advance Your Agenda" because, again, he does exactly that. Wurzlebacher has two central points in his essay. They are as follows;

1. Jesus is just all right with him, which I suppose is fair enough.
2. The media is evil, twisted and wrong.

You folks might be in hearty agreement with one or both of Joe's arguments. However, I trust that you can make your points without holding Jeffery fucking Dahmer up as some sort of positive example of anything. Joe Wurzlebacher clearly cannot.

And if that's not using evil to advance your agenda, I just don't know what is.