It isn't just cable news that's completely worthless, just mostly. Increasingly, news magazines are competing with cable to be a totally knowledge-free environment. The way things are progressing, I figure that it'll be nearly impossible to learn anything at all in about four months.I've been telling you good folks for years that pretty girls with perfect jugs have an almost mystical power to make everyone around them drooling-on-themselves stupid. However, since I'm only a pretty girl on dress-up day, I can really prove that. But Anne Hathaway can, and does, turning Newsweek's Jennie Yabroff into a dribbling idiot. It's a pretty impressive thing to see, actually.
Ms. Yabroff was supposed to be reviewing Hathaway's new film, Love and Other Drugs, a romantic comedy co-starring Jake Gyllenhaal. Instead, she wound up reviewing Anne's titties. And shockingly, they didn't get two thumbs up.
If I read Yabroff's column right - and there's no way to know if I did because it's so mind-numbingly wrong - gratuitous nudity distracts from the films generally and Love and Other Drugs more specifically. The title of the review is actually "Who Wants to See Anne Hathaway's Breasts?" The url reads "Anne Hathaway's Breasts Are Way Distracting."
Who in the fuck thinks that way? Jennie overlooks the unarguable fact that most movies are unapologetic shit. The only thing that could ever hope to redeem them are a healthy set of nice knockers. I've never actually seen an Anne Hathaway film, but I'm pretty sure that I'd hate them. On the hand, if there was a better than even chance that I'd see a lot of pink, I'd make them profitable all by myself.
Ms. Yabroff, seemingly wanting us to know that she went to college, says that nudity is "a self-congratulatory indication of European-style seriousness, an interruption of the narrative to remind the audience we are watching A Work of Art." Of course, she couldn't be more wrong. Excessive nudity is also a way to prevent the audience from getting violent after they've realized that they've just spent $30 bucks to see a steaming heap of dung. Magnificent milkbags have a way of calming potentially explosive situations, but if Love and Other Drugs is half as bad as it think it is, I'd have to see Anne's asshole to prevent me from mowing down the concession stands and beaheading an usher. I'm just that serious a student of the arts.
Good Christ, is Newsweek in such sorry shape that they're publishing anything that gets turned in? Did all of their editors commit suicide or is Jennie Yabroff blackmailing someone at the Washington Post Company? It turns out that Meacham was right to flee when he did.
If your local school sucks, you can home-school your kids. But how exactly do you replace journalism now that self-important half-wits have taken over?
0 comments:
Post a Comment