Great, The Mayor's a Fucking Retard

You know, I said a lot of shitty things about former Toronto mayor David Miller over the years, and I'm pretty proud of all of them. But, for all his faults, I never thought that he was an idiot. It just turned out that everything he knew was wrong. Sorta like Bob Rae. You'd be surprised how often that happens. Really you would.

Mayor Rob Ford is different. He's gotten through life on a steady diet of his father's money, instinct, and deep fried peanut butter and stupid sandwiches. Ford is the kind of guy who actually celebrates his own ignorance because he's been rewarded for it his entire life. He's only been in office for two fucking days and he already has me reaching for the only consolation left to me: that fat people drop dead of giant coronaries at early ages.

As you might remember, he began his tenure yesterday by dumping hundreds of millions of dollars into a hole that hasn't even been dug yet, and today the dumb bastard came out in favor of police brutality.

Some of you might recall the G20 fiasco in Toronto this past June. For those of you who don't remember, the occasional anarchist hoedown interrupted what was an otherwise impressive weekend-long police riot. The rights of Toronto's citizenry vanished and there continue to be legendary tales of the pigs on parade coming out six months later. And of course the cowards of the provincial Special Investigations Unit are doing their very best to ignore the whole thing.

So Hizzoner, without any coaching or prodding at all, blurted the first thing that popped into his sweaty skull;

A tough-talking Mayor Rob Ford says he has no sympathy for those caught up in the G20 mayhem other than the police.

“Personally, if you didn’t want to be down there, then you shouldn’t have been down there. I didn’t take my family out when there is a riot downtown,” Ford told radio talk-show host John Oakley on AM640 early Thursday.

“I have very little sympathy for the people who were down there and I support our police.”

Ford’s comments come after the province’s Special Investigations Unit announced it was reopening an inquiry into police brutality during G20. Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair publicly lambasted the watchdog last week for its investigative efforts into complaints against his force.

And Rob should know. After being arrested three times for essentially being a drunken idiot, he knows quality police work when he sees it! This is something to keep in mind for the next four years: my new mayor has been arrested two more times than Paul Bernardo has. This is the kind of shit that I have to deal with, teenagers.

What Ford forgets is that most Torontonians didn't just stupidly walk into riots, the riots exploded around them. First the anarchists, then the fucking cops. Another thing that our drunken shithead of a mayor forgets is that a lot of people live in the riot zones. Where in the fuck where they supposed to go, Rob? Were they supposed to lock themselves in their apartments just because our jabbering dupe of a prime minister wanted to show off for his friends and because we have a police chief with more balls than brains?

On the other hand, silly us. Maybe we just thought that after spending a billion fucking dollars on security, that things might be, y'know, secure. Or competent. That would have been nice, too. After all, over a thousand people were locked up that weekend, and god knows how many had their bones broken by the cops. And how many wound up even being charged with something?

Yes, friends, that's the fine police work that my tubby tool of a mayor is defending. Actually, that's wrong. He's praising his own city being turned into a virtual police state because everyone at every level of government had no idea what they were doing. He's praising incompetence and barbarism.

Don't me wrong, I know the image he's trying to craft. He wants to be Rudy Giuliani, but he forgets that in his second term, Giuliani was the most hated man in America until skyscrapers started crashing down around everybody's heads. Most New Yorkers couldn't wait to be rid of the man and his freak show of a personal life before 9/11.

If you happen to be one of my many readers from outside of the city, I may as well apologize to you now. I'm going to be writing about this asshole a lot. The material is just going to write itself over the next four years. After all, he's viciously dumb and sweats pizza.

If you happen to be a local Ford supporter, you can quite rightly point out that I virtually never bothered even mentioning David Miller. There are two reasons for that. Firstly, until about a year ago, only about three Canadians read me. Most of my readers were American and, oddly enough, South Korean. Second, while Miller was a disaster, he was a disaster of the boring, technocratic variety, and that would have been no fun for my foreign audience to read.

Ford is different. He's going to be a spectacular, Technicolor fuck-up, and he's going to be a joy to write about. Nothing brings out the best in me quite like hate.