Political debates are among the very worst things that civilized man can be subject to. I would posit that they're even worse than sexual assault. If nothing else, at least someone gets to cum at the end of a rape, but if you cum during a political debate, you should very probably be put to sleep by the state.
For example, much was made of the Wednesday night's presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. That wasn't a debate so much as it was Romney actively lying about his record and proposals and Obama doing his very best not disagree very much without interrupting his nap.
The "debate" that I'm actually looking forward to, is between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. Pretty much everyone on Earth is expecting Ryan to slaughter Biden. Considering that these things are all show business nonsense, I'm not. I'm expecting the Vice President to beat the shit out of the Honorable Member from Neverland.
My view is counter-intuitive as fuck, I know. But it's important to remember that these aren't debates as much as they are American Idol. They're popularity contests.
That being said, Thursday night probably won't go like most people expect it will. Say what you will about the man, but Joe Biden doesn't do talking points and Paul Ryan does little else. For even the most basic of Ryan's policy proposals to come close to making sense, you have to engage in all kinds of fictional math that Ryan himself can't be bothered with, whereas Biden will just be folksy. And in a nation of idiots, folksy usually wins the day.
If it were up to me, political debates would look a lot more like what Bill O'Reilly and Jon Stewart did last night at George Washington University. And Jim Lehrer would have much better tits. I know that E.D Hill is 300 years old, but va-va-voom!
Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not biased about this. Jon Stewart is not only one of the greatest comics of his generation, but he obviously takes the time to know what the fuck he's talking about. You may or may not like what he has to say, but it's hard to make the argument that he's completely uninformed.
Bill O'Reilly, on the other hand, is somebody who infuriates me endlessly. He's a well-educated guy who chooses to play stupid because his audience actually is stupid. Republicans love this because Republicans have spent the last forty years making stupidity a virtue and, like it or not, Republicans control the debate because Democrats are intellectual cowards. The fact that someone like O'Reilly is considered the moderate on Fox News tells you everything you need to know about Fox News.
So here, complete and unedited, is the Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium. I'll throw my two cents in on each topic after the video.
Opening Remarks: O'Reilly, assuming that the audience consists entirely of semi-functional idiots, has illustrated cue cards that make ridiculous points. Stewart has a genie lift built into his side of the stage that makes him taller.
O'Reilly wants to frame this debate around one person, Sandra Fluke, while excusing someone who bears a considerable amount of responsibility for America's fiscal condition, George W. Bush. And that makes perfect sense if you're a fucking idiot. For all her faults, Ms. Fluke didn't invade a bunch of countries, pass huge tax cuts and dramatically expand federal discretionary spending. President Bush, however, did. To say that's "boring" might be true, but it's a stellar example of intellectual dishonesty.
Stewart cuts to the chase with his first sentence, "My friend, Bill O'Reilly, is completely full of shit." And "Bullshit Mountain" is the perfect analogy for pretty much everything that you'll see on Fox News and read on the Republican blogosphere.
O'Reilly responds with another cue card that reads "Why is NPR getting our money?" The only problem with that is the card has a picture of Bill Moyers, who works for PBS, not NPR. But facts are .. fluid things on Bullshit Mountain.
Who's to Blame for the Economy: Here's where both O'Reilly and Stewart are both wrong. The issues with the American fantasy economy go back at least 30 years. It was Ronald Reagan who first conjured up the idea that you could have an enormous government and not pay for it. The second Bush merely perfected it.
In fairness, Stewart blows the segment by confusing the deficit with the debt, which makes him look like an idiot. On the other hand, O'Reilly is lying when he says that the debt goes back to George Washington. If Congress hadn't paid down any debt since 1789, the United States wouldn't exist at all.
Entitlements: Here Stewart gets real about how America has pretty much always been an entitlement society. O'Reilly continues his moronic meme about Social Security and Medicare aren't actually entitlements, which anyone who has read the budget knows that they are.
Stewart also makes a devastating point about the socialism that was involved in creating the suburbs. He also points out that O'Reilly's own father made a disability claim. Unfortunately, he fails to follow through with the fact that most private disability and retirement plans are insured by the federal government.
And again, Sandra Fluke's fuck pills wouldn't be paid for by the tax payer. Under any circumstance.
The Middle East: When your stated mission is to spread democracy, you can't exactly bitch when the democratic process doesn't favor the United States. Otherwise, it isn't exactly democracy.
O'Reilly's idea that Obama has to "go on a double-date with Bibi Netanyahu" is endlessly fascinating to me.
Here's what you need to know about that. A country's military budget is 100% dependant on its foreign policy, and that impacts said country's domestic policy.
Isreal is about the size of Rhode Island (and to quote the great P.J O'Rourke) probably has fewer Jews. But Isreal is also a socialist country, which it can afford to be since it's military establishment is subsidized by the United States to the tune of about $3 billion a year.
It therefore follows that America is either directly subsidizing socialism or an unsustainable foreign policy.
Then there's the trope about Obama not meting Netanyahu because he had to go on The View which is horseshit. Obama was at the UN on the Tuesday. Netanyahu wasn't even in the United States until Thursday. Is anyone really suggesting that the president of the United States hang around New York for two days of a campaign season waiting for the prime minister of a country the size of Rhode Island? Do you think that President Reagan would do that? I don't.
It's also in this segment that O'Reilly basically admits the current Republican line that no history prior to 2009 actually happened or matters. And that;s what makes these fucking people dangerous
The Media Bias: This isn't even worth discussing but we have to because Fox News loves inventing conspiracies.
Stuart wins the night by saying that "any time you run an organization where more people believe that the president is Muslim than believe in evolution is a problem." That was a devastatingly true line.
It pretty much goes on like that. You shoukd really watch it, if only because it becomes clear that Jon Stewart is more of a real conservative than Bill O'Reilly ism and just knows more.
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