Joe Biden Knows What Girls Like

As a lifelong Lothario, I know something that most of you don't. I know what women really want. I shouldn't ruin my own game by sharing this with you, but I like creating challenges for myself.

What broads look for in a mating partner is a senior citizen with hair plugs, a history of plagerism and no real power. There's something about such a dude that sets female pheremones off like fucking fireworks. I've seen chicks claw one another to death with their fingernails to be near a stud like that. Young and old alike, they feel their crotches tighten, quake and leak love in the presence of men like Vice President Joe Biden.

I think we all learned the power of the Biden sexuality earlier today, as he swore in the new members of the Senate. And some us, such as North Dakota's Heidi Heitkamp, learned more directly than others.

Newly sworn in Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND) got an early introduction to the humor of Vice President Joe Biden on Thursday. After taking the oath of office and posing for a picture with the vice president, Biden told her to “spread your legs” because “you’re going to be frisked.”

“Drop your hands to your sides,” Biden commanded. “You say that to somebody in North Dakota, they think it’s a frisk.”

At on point or another, all of us are going to be subjected to the Biden frisking. There's no point in resisting it, so we may as well just lie back and try to enjoy it. The man is, after all, most likely going to be the next president of the United States. And if Bill Clinton could get away with what he did, by god, just wait until we see what ol' Joe has up his sleeve. As you go to bed tonight, kiss your wives and hug your children. You might not know how long it will be before the vice president gets his sexy, sexy hands on them.

And thank whatever God you worship that you're not Mister Heitkamp this good eve. If I know Joe like I think I do, I'd put money on Biden demanding that the senator's spouse smell his fingers after the oath was administered.

He's the "presiding officer" in more ways than one.