Lindsay Lohan and perspective

You may have noticed that I haven't written much since the May 2 federal election here in Canada. I meant to. Really, I did. I was having more fun with the blog (and getting more hits) than I had in a long time during the campaign.

Of course, I'm a celebrated student of the Deeply Strange and the 41st Canadian federal election was Deeply Strange in ways that we'll tell our grandkids about someday. I actually wrote a few pieces about the campaign that I'm proud of, and that almost never happens. I figured that I'd come off the election with a continuing burst of wonderfulness that would carry me through at least a few months.

Instead? Meh. I find myself overwhelmed with ennui, the striking inability to give a shit about anything. I've looked at my writing, such as it is, with a total sense of apathy. Don't get me wrong, there's no shortage of interesting topics out there. Ordinarily, I long for news cycles like those we've enjoyed over the last three weeks. I just can'r bring myself to write about any of it in an entertaining or interesting way. Everything I've put up has been forced and it shows.

But the Dawn might be breaking through the Dark Night of My Soul. The sun is, as I should have suspected it would be, Lindsay Lohan. I'm pretty sure that girl is a Saint, or at least should be. Even her continuing trials before the demented, vile and repulsive California justice system are unequal to her ability to bring a little extra bounce, both to my step and in my pants. I just don't know where I, and my writing, would be without her.

Case in point: she was doing a photo shoot in Miami this weekend and, free at last from the corrupt clutches of the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office, she opened her robe to reveal her majestic mammaries, almost as if to let them luxuriate in the sweet, sweet air of Freedom. I Imagine the salty sea air caressed, soothed and liberated her tiny pink nipples just as those tiny pink nipples did my Inner Child.

Every child feels safest when sucking on a magnificent teat, knowing that's where the Milk of Life flows from and that doesn't change in adulthood. The Inner Child must be sustained, and Lindsay's unbelievable udders sustain mine.

Life and Freedom, my friends. Those are the things that matter. And sometimes Lindsay Lohan is the only person who can remind me of that.


Picture ruthlessly ripped off from What Would Tyler Durden Do