For example, he was married to Jennifer Aniston once upon a time. Then he figured out that she's a needy pain in the ass and not great in the boudoir. So he dumped her on her perky little ass and hooked up with Angelina Jolie, who is naturally superior to Jen in every way. There's only one reason that any rational man would stay with a woman that's trying to build the U.N General Assembly in the living room: because she's the greatest fuck in the world.
I too have a complicated relationship with Ms. Aniston. Simply put, I can't figure out why she has a career. I loathed Friends with every fiber of my being and Courtney Cox is hotter than Jennifer by several degrees of magnitude. Her films open about as well as a poorly produced snuff movie, but the studios keep giving her millions of dollars to make new ones. She has a cute face, a hot little body and an enormous bank account, but she can't keep a man for longer than a few months. That woman defies the laws on common sense. By almost any metric, she should have been exiled from Hollywood to a South Pacific colony for uptight spinster dykes years ago, yet she remains a huge star.
But every once in a while, she'll don some smouldering hot lingere and deepthroat fruit, as she does in the trailer from her upcomining film that no one will see, Horrible Bosses, and I fall in love all over again. I know that I'll be miserably frustrated sexually by the lack of ass play, but I just can't resist the way she coos at my beautifully circumsized tool.
Maybe it's just me. I'm a complicated man and chicks seem to dig it. They think it makes me mysterious, rather than just a misanthropist and an asshole.
Link and trailer ruthlessly stolen from the Superficial
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