Having said that, it takes me a long time to learn hard lessons. It wasn't until the Terri Schiavo case in the spring of 2005 that I finally internalized just how fully of shit the GOP actually is.
When a Republican Congress decided to use the power of the federal government to reverse four thousand years of legal tradition, to say nothing of their own stand on family values and small federal government to pass a law keeping one person alive (and remember, the law was very specific in applying to only Theresa Marie Schiavo), I called bullshit.
The fact that the second, slightly retarded, President Bush flew back to Washington to sign it - when he stayed in Crawford after reading a briefing headed "Bin Laden determined to strike in America", and went to a McCain fundraiser/birthday party in California immediately after learning that New Orleans was sinking - sealed the deal for me.
Republicans are no different than Democrats. They'll do whatever it takes to make their moron base, even when their moron base doesn't know what it actually believes. It took the Schiavo case to convince me that the Republican party believes nothing at all, and that it really makes no difference if Obama - or Pol Pot, for that matter - wins a second, third or fifteenth term as president of the United States. The opposition is just as craven, whorish and detremental to the interests of the country.
That's why I think that one Newton Leroy Gingrich is perfect standard bearer of the modern Republican party. Being, as he is, on his third wife and second religion, he's the antithesis of principle.
This is a dude who will will sit on a couch with Nancy Pelosi, asking for government action against climate change and, less than a year later, publish a book called "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less." There's also the small matter of Gingrich masterminding the impeachment of a president for getting blown by an intern while he himself was actually fucking a paid staffer.
Republicans have been demagouging Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for a full decade now, so why now nominate a guy who made millions from them in his capacity as a "historian", despite his inability to be tenured as such by some bohunk community college in the middle of nowhere?
Ethics in government? It's hard to beat Newt on that, his having been the only Speaker of the House to be censured by his own body and fined to the tune of $300,000 ... when the Congress was controlled by Republicans. To suggest that his problems were a political witch hunt is not unlike suggesting that that American Revolultion was an Australian plot.
But he can do this....
That's called dodging the fucking question in a way that modern conservatives have mastered, killing the messenger.
I don't remember Republicans assaulting the Goddamned Liberal Media for their historinic coverage of Bill Clinton's blowjobs or Anthony Weiner's cock-shots, do you? And neither Clinton or Weiner made their own character a selling point to their campaigns. On the other hand, it's hard to find a better spokesman for the dignity and privacy of the family than someone that's on his third one, isn't it? You do the math.
But it's a hackneyed trick. You'll notice that ol' Newt never comes right out and says that "My ex-wife is a lying cunt," which most of us would under the circumstances, He just says that "The charges are false", whuch he can do because the ex never quoted young Newton as directly asking for an open marriage. Rather, he just implied it. It's a very Clintonian answer, but even Clinton wasn't ballsy enough to do it with that kind of tirade.
Besides, King was too stupid to get Gingrich on the truly devastating quote from his ex-wife, "He believes that what he says in public and how he lives don't have to be connected," Get Newt to try to answer that, and you have no more Newt, because everything in Newt's personal and public lives speak to the truth of it.
Look, I know that I've been saying for at least three years that Mitt Romney will be the nominee, and he actually will be. But I wouldn't vote for the bastard. I just know how the GOP works, and I think that he'll keep it close, say, within five points. But not only will Romney lose to Obama, he probably should. Most conservatives secretely believe that.
Here's a good question. Why do you think that it is that solid Republicans that could have potentially beaten Obama chose not to run? There are so friggin' many of them that I can't be bothered with a list.
It's because Republicans have to become hysterical fucking women from time to time and suffer a devastating defeat before they can bothered to actually win. Idiots like to blame FDR's four terms on "moderates like Wendell Willkie and Tom Dewey, ignoring that Roosevelt's biggest victory was against the very conservative Alf Landon, who only won Vermont and Maine.To this day, Republicans are trying to figure out a way to explain how Barry Goldwater lost to LBJ that doesn't admit that he was the right guy at the wrong time.
The GOP needs a good, old-fashioned ass-kicking if they're ever going to win the presidency again. They need to be almost sexually humiliated with one of their Erik Erickson-Dan Riehl types if they can ever be expected to come back again. Instead, they'll nominate a milquetoast motherfucker like Romey, who'll lose by a John Kerry margin, so they can blame it all on "moderates" and "sane people."
I was hoping that the Republicans would nominate someone who would lose to Obama in a forty-five state blowout, like Sarah Palin or Rick Perry. Someone that leaves the jihadi wing of the party with no fucking excuses as to why they lost.
Make no mistake, Newt would lose about 35 states if he's nominated. But that could easily be explained away by the Jihadis that he just wasn't pure enough. And they'll repeat all of the things that I'm saying right now. By next January, the very people who are supporting him now will pant him as a cross between Salvadore Allende and Caligula, which isn't far from the truth.
Unfortunately, Gingrich is all they have left. So let them lose with him and explain why they didn't really "mean" it later.
That's why I'm endorsing Newt Gingrich for the Republican nomination for president. Because I hope That Dan Savage is right and that "It Gets Better."
I only wish that I trusted Dan Savage more.
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